“Old” To The Tune Of Madonna’s “Vogue” A Song Parody by Rick London

Old by Rick London c2012 Parody To The Tune of Madonna’s “Vogue”

 

(Short note…I’m getting old too; in fact older than Madonna…..I salute her for giving it her best shot) It is interesting

how all of us are slowing down, and yes, I’m a senior now too).

 

Click To Enlarge

 

 

Mighty Old,
Getting’ Old,
So old, old,
Oy vey, old

Just took 2 Plavix for my heartache,
My legs are moving so slow (Butt’s dragging ground)
I see cellulite where I was in shape,
Never learned my lesson public appearances “just say no”.

When I dance I pull a joint in my knee,
Maybe some L-glutamine pills on Ebay,
Should never have pigged out on that Superbowl tray,
Still on my butt on the dance floor, sore.

[Chorus:]

Getting so, Old,
Nausea’s setting in & I’m sick,
Ben Gay, Hey
Come on old.
Menopause no more menstrual flow,
Maybe I’d sound better remixed.

Got my Ensure…my favorite one,

Seemed like yesterday I had the energy of Thor,
And Kaballah for my inspiration,
Now I can’t get up off the floor.

And cone shaped bra so sprite,
With tassels I’d twirl and twirl
For awhile I was even some guy’s wife,
But my new name was Esther and he couldn’t remember it.

[chorus, substituting “groove” for “move”]

Oh I was beautiful and so fit,
Maybe I’ll try Nutrisystems to get re-fit.
Or call Britney Spears my pal,
The only virgin I know is wool,
Oh I want to be young and tall,
And not what I am or….

[chorus]

Old, old.
My CD’s on ITunes U can find it,
Old old,
Menopause with no more menstrual flow.

My garbage I recycle ya know,
And I crush the cans real slow,
My new brand is living green,
Not on Newt Gingrich’s moon trampoline.

How do I look in my tight jeans?
Winning with Charlie Sheen,
Getting’ smelly, walked upstairs,
Remember Playboy…I was bare.

Now its time to say “Goodnight Grace-ee”
For what its worth I’m saving face,
All the cracks I do fall through,
I wish you all a fare adieu

Notice I’m no longer nude,
Needed money, needed food,
Getting old is hard on a starlet,
Getting old, there’s a LOT to it.

Old, old.

Prunes will make you body move
So you don’t get sick,
Old, Plastic surgery if you must,
Or collagen to make your lips grow,
Old, I’ve gotten to
Old.

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Rick London is a musician/songwriter and founder of Google’s #1 Ranked offbeat cartoons & funny gifts, Londons Times Cartoons.  He and his wife nature/wildlife photographer Lee Hiller-London who also creates the popular nature photography blog Hike Our Planet,  live in the Ouichata Mountains of Arkansas and do a lot of mountain hiking.

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“Tap The Page” (The Kindle Fire Song) by Rick London c2012 (Parody to the tune of Bob Seger “Turn The Page”)

On the information superhighway
At Amazon dot com..
No need for Google search engine,
At the Kindle Store you won’t go wrong.

 

Boy, girl, man or woman,
Reading more makes you less a bore,
Or did you find it on Google or if you did on Bing,
You’re downloads queued….
Tiny letters are for fools,
 Kindle Fire’s hotter than cayenne,
Kindle is to books like hair is to shampoo..

Reading spam,
And other Internet sins,
I’m Sam I Am,
Just a Dr. Seuss page,
   Just Say No…Autobio by Nancy Rea-gin’,
I read so slow,
    Kindle Fire’s the rage.

Click To Enlarge

Well you’ve just been on facebook…reading someone’s rant,
Wishin’ they’d find a therapist to unload,
  But sorry they feel blue,
   As you’re about to implode,
And you pretend that they’ve unfriended you,
You have a Tolstoy to download

  And the worst they like to stalk….
         Can’t you just be a fan?
But they tell you how to live, how to eat and how to pray…

   All you can say is “Oh man”….
And my wife is taking photos of all those pretty birds
 While someone’s telling me the benefits of Ayn Rand.

Sam I am,
Downloaded a Seuss again,
99 cent special a grand slam,
Leaving readers engaged,
Like a fine bordeaux,
Everybody wins,
Reading slow,
Tap the page

Click To Enlarge

 The protective case makes it feel just right,
Doesn’t have much weight,
Words in books have synergy,
Like vintage on Ebay,
No more turnin’ pages..nothing on CD,
   Just tap the page.

Jack London or Rudyard Kipling,
       Classics I never really read,
Or Emerson if I desire,
For my daily bread,
Lookin’ at bargain books..appetite is whet,
But ended up w/a CD of the Grateful Dead.

Sam I am,
Or The Road Less Traveled again,
Green Eggs & Ham,
Screen shows a Seuss page,
      There goes my dough,
Downloading a book again,
Broadband’s slow,
Tap The Page.

Click To Enlarge

Sam I am,
What’s in the bargain bin?
Sam I am,
What’s the new rage.
Readin’ slow,
Tennessee William’s roof is tin,
Paper books are gone,
Tap the page
Readin’ slow,
Readin’ slow.

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Am a goofy vegan animal-lovin’ mountain man just trying to write stuff.  Love nature, wildlife, dogs, cats,  & my wife @LeeHillerLondon.  I founded Londons Times Cartoons in 1997 which has been the #1 ranked offbeat cartoons & funny gifts on the Internet since 2005. I hope you enjoyed.