Old by Rick London c2012 Parody To The Tune of Madonna’s “Vogue”
(Short note…I’m getting old too; in fact older than Madonna…..I salute her for giving it her best shot) It is interesting
how all of us are slowing down, and yes, I’m a senior now too).
So old, old,
Oy vey, old
Just took 2 Plavix for my heartache,
My legs are moving so slow (Butt’s dragging ground)
I see cellulite where I was in shape,
Never learned my lesson public appearances “just say no”.
When I dance I pull a joint in my knee,
Maybe some L-glutamine pills on Ebay,
Should never have pigged out on that Superbowl tray,
Still on my butt on the dance floor, sore.
Getting so, Old,
Nausea’s setting in & I’m sick,
Ben Gay, Hey
Come on old.
Menopause no more menstrual flow,
Maybe I’d sound better remixed.
Got my Ensure…my favorite one,
Seemed like yesterday I had the energy of Thor,
And Kaballah for my inspiration,
Now I can’t get up off the floor.
And cone shaped bra so sprite,
With tassels I’d twirl and twirl
For awhile I was even some guy’s wife,
But my new name was Esther and he couldn’t remember it.
[chorus, substituting “groove” for “move”]
Oh I was beautiful and so fit,
Maybe I’ll try Nutrisystems to get re-fit.
Or call Britney Spears my pal,
The only virgin I know is wool,
Oh I want to be young and tall,
And not what I am or….
My CD’s on ITunes U can find it,
Menopause with no more menstrual flow.
My garbage I recycle ya know,
And I crush the cans real slow,
My new brand is living green,
Not on Newt Gingrich’s moon trampoline.
How do I look in my tight jeans?
Winning with Charlie Sheen,
Getting’ smelly, walked upstairs,
Remember Playboy…I was bare.
Now its time to say “Goodnight Grace-ee”
For what its worth I’m saving face,
All the cracks I do fall through,
I wish you all a fare adieu
Notice I’m no longer nude,
Needed money, needed food,
Getting old is hard on a starlet,
Getting old, there’s a LOT to it.
Prunes will make you body move
So you don’t get sick,
Old, Plastic surgery if you must,
Or collagen to make your lips grow,
Old, I’ve gotten to
Rick London is a musician/songwriter and founder of Google’s #1 Ranked offbeat cartoons & funny gifts, Londons Times Cartoons. He and his wife nature/wildlife photographer Lee Hiller-London who also creates the popular nature photography blog Hike Our Planet, live in the Ouichata Mountains of Arkansas and do a lot of mountain hiking.