Lies, Liars & More Narcissists. Scapegoat Autistic Offspring How To Do Damage Reduction

So how does an undiagnosed autistic child (or adult) figure out the issue is a Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) origin family including past and current flying monkeys  (FM) from those families and/or friends? Again flying monkeys are minions who do the narcissist’s “dirty work” to attack or harm the scapegoat child (even as an adult); sometimes long after the original narcissist(s) are deceased.  It can be carried on by siblings, friends of siblings, even grandmothers and grandfathers, church or synagogue members; whomever the narcissistic can influence and/or bribe/buy that they know the scapegoat cannot, as they generally do all they can to keep the scapegoat in poverty as long as they can (yet another form of narcissistic parental control).

npd 12 scapegoat rspons One place to start is to think like the criminals they are.  This is not easy for the scapegoat child as he/she is taught never ever to lie.  (What we’re not told is they will do the lying for us, and make sure we are put in situations that make us appear to be the liars).

And I don’t mean to suggest you lie or be a criminal. Just be prepared to ask tough questions to the people from your past you’ve decided to allow into your current life; Ask questions and be silent. You may want to allow none of them contact with you and that is fine.  There are plenty of new communities full of much healthier people willing to offer support.

But, if you decide to give some of the old flying monkeys mercy, learn what some of the FMs who might not be in the FM inner core are hearing from their narcissists on the NPD spectrum.  Then double check it to make sure you heard it right.  It is usually a lie, and often a lie that can be proven (now with the Internet one can get public records (even from a half century ago) with a credit or debit card and the flick of a mouse; not good news for the habitual flying monkeys who are addicted to that lying process (and most are).

From the start, let me make something clear that is so important.  Never ever ask or demand that someone “be on your side” and believe you only.  Jung talked about this.  First it doesn’t work. Second it puts you at the same very low level as the narcissists and their FMs, a place you very much don’t want to be.  Then “they’ve won” in that they’ve brought you down to their level.  Stick with the facts.  If someone shows an interest, show them the evidence. Still, no demands to be on your side “in this fight”.  It’s not a fight.  It is “getting your life back” which is the only battle.  Those people who were once relatives, friends, associates or whatever, are just sad, sick people of the past that hurt you, and possibly tried to do worse.  They didn’t succeed. Now it’s your turn.

Your turn for what?  Not revenge, at least not in the sense that people think of revenge. Don’t ever let them draw you into an argument or debate.  If they try, they are bullying you and that info should go straight to the ADA. I’ve given info on how to contact the Americans With Disabilities Act, and if anyone tries to hurt you now, you have their help.

Success is going to be your revenge.  It may or may not be money.  But it absolutely will be to break the bonds of lies and aspersions that they cast many years ago.  You will be free of those.  And whether you accumulate wealth, or not, there is no greater success than being free of those bonds, and having “the good guys” on your side who are actually in place to protect you.  Is that not success?  You’ve already won the major battle.  Now to build your life the way you’d planned to build it many years ago but were bullied, scapegoated and undermined so that it was assured not to happen.   The perpetrators may have been people to whom you looked up and admired.  They did not deserve that.  They were sick, ugly horrible people, not worthy of your time or attention.

This is the “year of you”.  Let’s build you the way you always wanted to be; even better if you wish.  It is possible at any age. One day in the future, if you deem appropriate, you can forgive them. You can right now if you wish, but it’s not likely to be sincere. You are in the early stages of recovery from what many call “soul murder”.  It is a crime often compared to murder (or rape).  It is definitely child abuse, and it often turns into adult abuse.  Usually the perpetrator(s) are long gone/dead but offspring and their own social/business circles continue the sociopathy.  Now there’s help. Much help.

The scapegoat child (even as an adult)’s fate used to be sealed.  His/her reputation was tarnished before he/she even knew he was “at war” or “in a battle with his family. I, of course, felt really dumb.  But I hadn’t a clue narcissistic parents do everything possible to isolate the chosen “scapegoat child” from its siblings as early as possible.  And who could imagine parents would set up a child to fail (and undermine them if they didn’t) so that they could appear victims of an out-of-control offspring?

Remember, the Internet is your friend.  Now you can check and double check these lies, many times with city and/or county records.  Google “Find County Records” or “Find City Records”.  It often costs about $20 a month to use these services but if you are writing a book or film that requires accuracy and honesty, it is pertinent and well worth the investment.  Or even if you just want to know for yourself (if any of them are true or not, a month or two subscription to such a service can offer empowerment and great peace of mind).  It certainly has for me.

The Flying Monkeys stories can no longer take flight; or only the unwired, those who are on the fringe and quite naive would believe some of the garbage from that kind of drek’s mouths.  They are passe’, archaic, and has-beens.  Most don’t know it, yet; but many are “beginning to get it”.  They are going to have to learn to “make it” on their own, without the abuse of disabled people.  It will be tough for many of them, but they really have no choice (according to the ADA) Americans With Disabilities Act.

Though my own parents knew there was something very amiss with me, they never had me tested for any type of condition or disorder.  It turned out to be autism and Asperger’s (as I have written), and, as I have written, I was hidden away in an “attic bedroom” far away from my other siblings for nearly 12 years of my life (age 6-17).  Job done. Same as solitary confinement (In an autistic child’s mind).   But I didn’t even know such a family dysfunction even existed until age 60.  So where’s the justice? npd autism 66666666666666666666666666666 T

That nightmare existed from age six until age 17 when I was totally/physically abandoned for numerous years until I was so near-death, even the worst dregs of the earth couldn’t not take me back in (I was only taken back in for short periods of time until I could find yet another dead-end nothing job to keep me going as long as possible). It was a gift of God that I had creative and entrepreneurial skills, discovered late in life, that allowed me to build popular businesses from nothing. No money, never more than a few hundred dollars.  So I was “allowed” freedom as an adult as long as I could keep those businesses going. Being a scapegoat child with autism, that was often not very long. npd 2 pretense So, start with a third party, a mutual friend of both “sides of the aisle” who you trust. Ask them a question about yourself, maybe based on a rumor about yourself  you’ve heard elsewhere. The following is just one of several hundred I have on file that have gotten back to me. It is the “But your dad opened that beautiful health food store for you”. When/if you hear the actual lie, ask the friend or relative for a favor.  Ask them if the person who told them the fib might be willing to take a mutual lie-detector test; and then be silent.  If the mutual friend is on the up-and-up, they will usually say (with hesitancy because admittedly it is an odd request) “Sure at least I’ll ask”.

FMs NEVER EVER take lie detectors nor will submit to one even if you, the scapegoat offers to pay for both theirs and yours.  How can they?  Their entire inventory of terror is based on lies. I used to ask that question when such lies got back to me. Now I know the “creator” of such lies never admit they even “knew of them”, much less “created them”.  Occasionally there is a half/or part truth, but that is a rarity, and if there is, it is often nothing they haven’t done themselves, or their friends, or human beings in general. npd flying monkey 2 meme Remember, it is the “big lies” you’re after. The type that can make or break a reputation.  The kind that can make or break a human. The kind that can make or break a spirit. The kind that belongs in best-sellers and top box-office films; and they most certainly will in my case, whether I’m still living or not.  My wife and I have made certain of that as has a very large autism network.

I spoke last month to one of my favorite relatives who, I knew, sadly, was part of the “flying monkey” network.   In her case, it was difficult at best, in that she is married to an attorney who found himself early in life recruited as a FM and they were deep into the FM spectrum before they even reached 40 years old.  They are now in their 80s. npd 3 meme strangers admiration The one thing about this relative is that no matter how much she aged, she was always interested (or so it seemed) in the good and the bad that was happening in my life.  That information seemed to be “our bond”.  She is a tough bird, hence I rarely had trouble telling her much of anything, even the tough parts of my life.  Of course I told these things to Lee (my wife) as well, but by telling unresolved conflicts to an older “trusted” relative, one often gets a perspective that one cannot get from my generation.  Often if I had a problem or conflict, she’d been through something similar and had some sage advice. So I decided to let her know about my definite diagnosis of autism/Asperger’s.  Being from an older generation she asked me where I thought I could have caught it.  She added, “I mean you’ve lived in so many places”. I shook my head and laughed, and told her it was/is congenital, people don’t catch it, one is born with it.  She knew and was very close my parents very well.  She added, “Then how could your parents missed something that big?” npd autism I told her, “That is what we’re trying to find out now.  They also missed vanus, a very severe form of flat feet.” “Rick then surely you caught the vanus somewhere or it was due to injury of all that long distance running, martial arts and hiking.  Maybe cut back on hiking”. I knew this was going to be a difficult conversation. Not knowing yet that I was “the scapegoat child of narcissistic parents (or an ACON), I explained to her that my parents were in their own unresolved battles, and frankly did not have the time to explore everything about me.  They had their “future Realtor of America” and really “Isn’t that all they wanted?”

She always laughed when I said that as she knew that was true. I explained to her that my parents didn’t like me once.  For instance my siblings received nice material inheritances. I added sardonically to my relative, “And I inherited a suitcase”. npd meme 5 ostracism She quipped back quickly, “But your dad did give you that very nice health food store”. There was a long silence (and these long silences gives the scapegoat time to catch his/her breath and realize he/she has caught a flying monkey in a lie). I asked where she heard that (already knowing where she’d heard it as I’d heard it from other mutual friends of my family) and she didn’t answer and changed the subject.

I think I actually surprised her in that, even at her age with her wisdom, she was believing the still-living narcissists. I told her a bank president named Jack T. of the now defunct Bank Of Hattiesburg loaned me the money as well as my partner Doug R.

Jack figured a way to loan my partner and I a whopping $10,000 total.  We needed about eight times that much.  We did what we could (for the rest) using sweat equity. And sweat we did. I was often there until midnight and often 24/7,  decorating and redecorating the store, studying catalogs for hot trending items, learning all I could about nutrition, etc.

My father not only didn’t bank at BOH, he also wanted nothing to do with the health food store, unless he could figure out a way to make money on it.  And of course he did (most of the money that went through that store went to him). He told me he would secure me the corner 875 square foot (perfect) space in a new mall he’d built called “Village Green Mall” if I would rent from him and the rent would be a very low $675 per month. To him low, but to me extremely high.

I assessed the place, Village Green Mall,  and came to the conclusion people would have a difficult time maneuvering in and out of it, or even finding it, given that North 25th Ave. the inward artery had no traffic light, nor did the service road.  He assured me it would be mainly students at USM across the highway and most of them would walk.  Any normal businessperson would have seen the obstacle to traffic, and opted out, as most did.

But when you have autism, at age 28, running marathons and “trying to be a super athlete”, it is easy to talk oneself into believing they can overcome such obstacles, which actually are more basic business principles than obstacles.  They cannot be overcome, and none of the other stores in that once full mall were able to make it past 2-5 years either.  I could run 26 miles, but I couldn’t keep a tiny shop open that had no access road traffic light.  Shows how important basic business principles really are (and to avoid landlords who feel you might not understand them).

npd 8 His assurances were as good as his word.   Very few students could afford or even wanted vitamins or herbs at the time (1978) and most of my older customers also went to the competing store which had about 6 years experience and inventory on me (and easy in/out access). In other words not only did my dad not contribute a penny to The Sesame Seed health food store, he managed to take 24,600 from it in rent.  Rent in a mall that went under (as far as boutique shops which were there when I was).

To my knowledge, it is still open but has tenants such as “EZPay Loans” etc in which people will take a risk taking dangerous turns to get there, simply because they would even deal with a predator lender.   A person wouldn’t make that turn for some overpriced tofu or rice crackers; when they could get it a mile away at an established store and a few years later at a new store called “WalMart” another 1.5 miles away.

So that lie not only didn’t fly but has a backlash that will appear in my book, after I discovered I am able to get those records from the Internet since the business went into Chapter 13 in 1980. Those records are still in the clerk’s office.  The only names anyone will see on them are Doug R.  (my 1st partner who sold out the first year), former USM professor Bill K., and The Bank Of Hattiesburg.  (My late dad’s name is nowhere to be found on the loan papers), as he (and his FMs) have told and continue to tell everyone.  I now know the exact source,  who it was who told my relative in the northeast as I got her to “accidentally” cough it up, and it turned out to be one of the second generation flying monkeys as I suspected.  As mentioned all this is on the Internet county archives and very easy to retrieve which I will be doing for my book.

That FM began making up lies (at least ones that got back to me) before I was 15. I didn’t quite understand what they (the lies) were all about.  Of course with enough therapy, anyone would understand.  Nothing personal, just playing ones role for survival in a very ill NPD family, and my “sin” was being the sane/honest one.  So it goes. Oh, Professional Bill and I decided to try some real estate ventures on our own after the health food crash. We bought some old homes and fixed them up.  In the middle of that, my dad ran him out of town.  He was having “too much control over me” and was “not a good influence”.  Actually he was a very nice person and good influence.  USM apparently thought so too.

Though it has a new name, this is the building where I borrowed the money for The Sesame Seed (my health food store). My father put not one penny into it but took app. $25k in rent moneys.  It was then called Bank Of Hattiesburg.

Though it has a new name, this is the building where I borrowed the money for The Sesame Seed (my health food store). My father put not one penny into it but took app. $25k in rent moneys. It was then called Bank Of Hattiesburg.

That was just one of the many NPD lies that has circulated for years before reaching me (most of them eventually do reach me) as I said.  The majority of FMs do get sick of being minions for a family feud of which they know nothing about, but are commanded by the narcissists in it to take their side and do their dirty work.   They not only eventually stop, but they get so angry over the years they even come to me to let me know what has been happening. So I took all that information to the State Of Arkansas Autism Board Member (for 35 years) who is my acting therapist who assured me that I’ve been dealing with an NPD family.

That is what the attic bedroom isolation was about at age six. It had nothing to do with being a “special child”, it had everything to do with isolating me from the other children. I was the odd one. I blinked my eyes too much. I had twitches, I acted strange. I had autism. I must be punished for that.  And punished I was. The flying monkeys continue to “do their dirty work” as word gets back to me.

But it has died down considerably since my autism diagnosis as such crimes and discrimination against the disabled are taken very seriously (as well they should G.).  I have made it as clear (I only need tell one or two….the rest know within an hoiur or two…that is the way that FM family/minion network works),  as I possibly can to the current living flying monkeys what the consequences will be of further such evil actions (even if it is from a third party), I know the exact source.  The Universe truly has a way of providing kindness and justice if the scapegoat will only grab onto a rope and have patience. The bottom line is disengage, no matter how hard they attack.  All attacks from them go directly to the ADA (Americans With Disability Act) part of the Department Of Justice. npd 14 power Keep in mind that as the scapegoat child (even as an adult), your ability to fight back and resources to do so may be limited. Besides, those type family feuds often last forever and nobody wins. However if the DOJ takes over, the fight has ended (even if the FMs and narcissists don’t realize it at first). That’s why  the ADA exists. Your rights are their business, and they take their business very seriously, no matter what station in life the flying monkeys are enjoying.  Your rights are not only their business, but the FMs and N’s have made a very special effort over the years to make it appear that you don’t have any (rights).  Bullies try their best to do that to their victims.  They are now going to learn otherwise.

My wife and I are listening to one of my network’s webinar on the steps to use to file such a complaint in case this ever happens again, which it could.  I hope everyone can listen. I posted the registration URL on social media yesterday. Please sign up and have a look. It is free, and your rights (that have been taken away) are pertinent.  Knowledge is power and the more you know about your rights, the more it diminshes the FMs/bullies/narcissists.

Meantime, I write these type blogs, not only to compile into a book, but am publishing them sooner than the book; and for free to read, so that others (and this type family dysfunction is omnipotent and we thought it was rare for so long), so that others can get help, or learn from my own mistakes, and not have to shell out money they may not have (for a book) but still get the proper assistance and/or resources. Mark Twain Quote

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3+ Years With The World’s Best Wife & Living In Paradise by Rick London

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I get asked every now and again how I met my beloved wife Lee Hiller-London. I know it sounds “iffy” but we met on Twitter about four years ago and have been married for three years.   We worked together on a project designed to get a Presidential Medal Of Freedom to Dame Elizabeth Taylor. It’s a long story.  Though we didn’t succeed, we created a lot of buzz on Twitter and the White House even called me to “Stop The Campaign”.  That’s an “LOL”.  They were mad.

One of the White House PR outreach interns had given me an important private mailbox that filled up rather rapidly and was overflowing.  I cooperated and stopped the campaign.  We did manage to get the story worldwide with a Reuter’s Wire hit which was fun.    Don’t even ask how it happened.  Neither of us are celebrities (to my knowledge).  But it was fun and we learned a lot rubbing elbows with several.

Lee, a former Power seller of EBay, had finally closed her store when EBay came under new management and the huge crowds that used to be there to buy vintage goods (which was her specialty) had virtually dried up.  EBay Motors and expensive electronics seemed to be all that was left selling there.

The town is made up of probably 60%+ of tourists who fell in love with it and moved here.  I was one of those, as was Lee.  It is easy and fun to call home now. We live right on the edge of the 2nd oldest National Park in America and hike and commune with nature often.  We’ve seen every kind of animal and wildflower imaginable.

Lee had a lot of talent and willingness to learn.  I had returned to school and studied Business Information Management at Western Governors University as a nontraditional adult student about fifty years old.  I think BIM amounts to learning how to navigate the Internet, SEO, social media, pinging, etc.  I am still not sure what all I learned, but I seemed to learn it well.  Digital design was one of the many things.

Lee had been an expert seamstress growing up, so her ability to learn digital design watching me came naturally and she got much better than me at it and had thousands of items in the marketplace within a few months.  I was very proud.  Her items were selling well.  We were designers for household names (Hollywood celebrities) and for our own lines.  We loved, and still love working together, and share the same living room office overlooking Hot Springs Mountain.

June 18th is our anniversary. We’ve now been married a little over three years and I love Lee now more than I did in our courting days.  We’ve learned a lot of things.  We both work in the arts and letters so contrary to what traditional society used to say, the liberal arts was a very good choice of majors.  We work in the same living room office. Sometimes hours go by where we barely say a word but we can “feel each other there”. 

And we have our own little private code symbols to remind the other we’re still here.  To the average couple in which the intense concentration of design is not part of their lives, they might think, “What’s wrong with them?”  And the answer is, “They are supporting each other in their work.  When they’re finished they  will talk…..or hike….or do tai chi, or go to a gallery or museum, or a combination of more than one of those.

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One thing we like to do is communicate to each other on social media.  We once used facebook often but we found it was eroding our motivation to do business so we’ve cut it back to weekends and a lot more work gets done.  This decision was made for summers (since our businesses are so seasonable) and it gives us a chance to design more items; otherwise, though we love our old friends and new ones we’ve met on facebook, if we had our druthers, we’d spend all the time with them.  But we work for ourselves and are our toughest bosses, hence we sometimes make major decisions.

On the other hand we can keep our Tweetdeck open for Twitter. Since 90% of what we do on Twitter is automated and pre-scheduled, we don’t have to spend a lot of time on it.  The only time we do is if a message comes to us that needs answering and one of our associates is not able to answer it.  This may seem mercenary, odd and unfriendly, but actually it is the opposite.  Our friends and followers of our brands have come to expect quality, and for us to provide quality (since we design our own), it takes time, concentration, and the ability to push it through to the marketplace.

There are several schools of thought regarding social media.  When Lee and I started Twitter we did personally interact with a lot more than we do now.   We enjoyed it and still do enjoy it the occasional times we do it.  Lee has a great deal of followers who enjoy discussing nature with her. 

A lot of our business overlaps.  We both do digital designing.  We both work with a lot of the same manufacturers.  When we have an issue or a problem, we know we can talk to each other about it and try to remedy it.  And often it is remedied in a timely fashion as we both understand the issue.

I realize not every couple has this luxury (of working together, living together, loving each other and creating together.   So if a couple asks advice on how we do what we do, I honestly wouldn’t have an answer.  But I do have a theory based on what we’ve done and built.  Try to find things that you have in common with your significant other.  When ground rules are made, make sure to follow them.  Don’t make them for one and not the other. 

Make plans to do things together that you enjoy.  A couple does not have to spend a fortune to love each other; in fact the opposite.  Both of us have performed plastic surgery on our credit cards and pay as we go with cash or debit cards.  We barter when need be.  I’ve bartered my first 8 years (bartered 99% of the time) of my cartoon business.  Lee is at a point, and the economy is ripe for more businesses open to barter and she’s learned it fast.  I still barter when I can, but nothing like what I did to keep my cartoons alive in the early stage of the project.  Barter sustained me when I first started. I had no money.   There are still products and services that are not within my budget that, though I can do without and often do, more often than not, I can barter; and it is always a win-win.

Lee and I hike together, photograph wildlife and photography together (she’s teaching me how), and do as much as we can of things in which we both have an interest.   And that doesn’t mean going out every weekend.

We both love oldies music and discovered Herman’s Hermits, The Grass Roots & The Buckinghams will be playing at Oaklawn Theater next month and we definitely plan to go.    That doesn’t sound like a big deal but to us it is.  And it’s just another fun memory we’ll be able to discuss for years.

Create memories.  Good ones.  Life itself can create the bad ones for you but don’t take them seriously.  Health, economy, etc. etc. all create memories (not necessarily good ones) that are not very much within our control.  The trick is to not take those too seriously, but take them seriously enough to take care of them, and go out of one’s way to create the positive ones.

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Speaking of health, when Lee moved to Arkansas, she was way out of shape and had some extra pounds on her.  She does not mind me telling that, especially that now she has (not dieted) but changed her lifestyle to vegan and is hiking often.  All her old clothes are at the Salvation Army because her new ones are size small to medium and her waste is a 25.  All that happened within 3 years.   Her skin is smooth and young and she wears very little makeup when she wears any at all.

It’s also contagious; no not the cosmetics behavior (I never wear lipstick for instance) J  but the motivation to regain one’s health, shed pounds and clear the arteries.  Both of us have been on the vegan diet (Lee for 3 years and I have for 2 years) and more and more of it is raw food, and nearly always organic. 

Again, I’m not suggesting an individual clones the other.  Lee has plenty of things that she does on her own of which are “within her domain” and don’t interest me, and vice versa, and that’s healthy.

My point, and theory is, so many couples we know focus on their differences, and of course there are and will be differences.  We have decided to focus, not on our differences, (there are plenty), but on our “same-nesses” and how grateful we are to have the life we have.   And that makes our relationship and lives a success, not how much money we make (some months we make plenty and others we’re like dorm students), not how many friends we have (we have friends all over the world, but the friends we see the most often have wings or four legs), etc. 

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And life remains very good. I love you Baby.  

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Rick London is an author, songwriter, cartoonist and designer.  He founded the #1 offbeat cartoons and funny gifts Londons Times in 1997.  It’s been top ranked by Google since 2005 and Bing since 2008. His wife Lee is a popular nature photographer and runs the popular nature blog Hike Our Planet.  She also designs gifts and collectibles from her photography and art and showcases them at her various home decor  and clothing shops such as Lee Hiller Designs.  Both are avid outdoorspersons and stewards for Hot Springs National Park which they hike and take care of weekly. 

 

 

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Bullying, Politics, Herman Cain, Joe Paterno & You Name It..It’s Here by Rick London

              I just read a Twitter post about bullying written by a guy I know to be a bully.   The government of Iran wants to blow us up.  Herman Cain probably chases women, and is sort of sure who President Obama is and what Libya is.  Jerry Sandusky is very ill and a criminal.  Joe Paterno went from hero to great disappointment and possibly a criminal along with the ex President of Penn State.  Syracuse has come out with similar allegations.  Let’s not be surprise but there could be more.  Ironically I’m not that much of a news junkie and certainly not a political animal.  I love nature, hiking, and watching Netflix movies with my wife. I occasionally make people laugh with my cartoons.

        On the other hand…………………….

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      Our economy is on the skids, and politicians are circling the Presidental wagon. Rick Perry says “Whoops” in a cute way in which he does not pronounce his “W’s”, but we’re in big big trouble when Ron Paul has to give him the answer to an easy beltway trivia question.  The thirty year old Natalie Wood case is being reopened. Famous Hollywood Couples are announcing not only their divorces but “What the marriage meant to them” on Twitter.  Newt’s wife likes Tiffany’s.  Newt “did it with women” for our country.  One has to ask, did she yell “Oh Newt baby Sign me with you John Hancock” at, um…the end of the act?  Michele Bachman applauds our founding fathers for freeing the slaves.  She’s anti-socialism but got one of the largest social farm grants ever (then voted against it).  Romney passed a health care bill more socialist than Obamacare while in Ma. (but says now “that kind of bill only works in states). Oh.  LOL.  Uh, Mitt…this is the United States. 50 of them. Ok, never mind.  The whole thing, Democrat and Republican is the keystone cops we’ve come to expect

      My homestate  of Mississippi voted on a bill called Personhood. Fortunately it was unanimously voted down but had it passed something like a wet dream and one could have found oneself life in Parchman or even the chair. A miscarriage could have meant solitary confinement or something like that.  God knows what a menstrual cycle could have gotten ya.  I don’t even want to know.  Kudos for Mississippi for knowing better than insanity.  Much better.

John Huntsman is quiet….and sane; and is actually the only one of the candidates on either side who has stated publicly exactly what the job description of President is.  Can you imagine..a candidate that actually understands the job. I know, I know…he’s not exciting/charismatic enough but has cute daughters.

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     Obama is smart but not in the least when it comes to economics (excellent on snuffing out big time terrorists and my hat’s off to him for that).  Congress is dismal.  Occupy Wall Street is worldwide but can you imagine the greedy 1% suddenly begin throwing money to them out their high-rise windows in complete shame and guilt with tears running down their eyes? Ain’t gonna happen.  Life is compromise and both sides will one day learn that.  Maybe the hard way.  Hope not.       

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       I am a designer and write cartoons and blogs and am sometimes asked, “What goes through your head?” (see above paragraph).  And even when the items in the above paragraph (to borrow a phrase from Herman Cain “are twirling through my head”), there is always the chance of creative or writer’s block.

      When that happens, I have learned over the years never to mention it, at least not on social media or in public.  When I used to, I found myself surrounded by the dregs of society known as “life coaches” willing to sell it back to me (for a nominal fee starting at app. $5000), but I get a lot of their cool cd’s and workbooks).  So it’s a tough decision.  When questioned what they have done on a creative level etc.  I’m often led to their “free ebook”.  They have a similar demeanor of an Elmer Gantry or a moat of crocodiles surrounding a once creative human in a moat who could write and swim but suddenly has writers and swimmers block.  The only difference between a crocodile and a life coach is the crocodile has not learned to charge exorbitant fees for eating you alive.

         So I have these online shops you see and they sell my designs on products like tees, mugs, mouse pads, aprons, etc ., and its starting to get busy again.  I asked myself why, as I could tell many were buying gift items.  I never used to shop for Christmas or Hanukah gifts this early, but some started in the summer.  Why?  It’s simple.  Best prices and service (which still exists as I decided to keep it all the same all the way through the 2012.  But also many like to get it out of the way. Keep in mind these are usually folks who’ve not been bankrupted previously by the crafty lifecoach. 

        When (again thanks Herman) my mind begins twirling with all the things around me, I think of why I’m grateful. I have the most wonderful wife in the world.  Our home office eclipses the most beautifully mountain in the Ouchita Range (possibly the world). We hike it and others when we want to. Our quality of living is very high, cost of living very low.   We have no debt. Our cars are paid in full.  We both are published authors and have our own brand businesses. 

      Are we smarter, more talented, better than anyone else? Not in the least.  I mention that because people sometimes ask “our secret”.  Its far from being a secret.  I can only say, “Start where you are; even if its at the bottom. That is where I was.  Learn. Ask questions.  Stay persistent.  Keep working.  And when something sidetracks you (and it will); forgive yourself and go back to work.  On several occasions over the past year, Lee and I found ourselves entrapped in “helping someone else build their empires for slave labor”. We gave them every opportunity to offer some kind of compensation.  They totally ignored they were doing anything wrong….our answer?  We totally ignored them. 

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     We don’t mind helping others succeed, but help us back.  It need not be money. It can be promotion, co-branding, etc. but please, please, understand fully what that means.  It can’t be what you want it to mean, or what some life coach taught you.

     Otherwise, Lee and I design some of the most unique (we think) gift items on the planet. So its okay if we go it alone (we have a great deal of fun).

      That is the way it should be for you too, but please be advised,  chances are good it won’t happen overnight.  I’ve been at it 14 years and Lee has been at it 2 years.  There are many sleepless nights and lots of fires to extinguish and still much to learn (for us). 

And we both started at middle age.   So can you.  Now get to work but first visit our shops and buy things so you’ll know even better how its done.  J    See, I can act like a life coach too.    

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I’m just a goofy vegan mountain man who has developed a few talents (though that is a matter of opinion). I’m a freelance writer, cartoonist, and designer. I write music; and my wife Lee Hiller-London and I are active in childrens, animal, and environmental causes. I founded Londons Times Offbeat Cartoons & Funny Gifts in 1997 which have remained Google’s #1 ranked on the Internet since 2005.  I founded the world’s only famous love quote shoes & gifts called Shoes That Amuse (USA Today Like’s ’em), and Wisdom Quote Shoes & Unique Gifts at my Rick London Wisdom Shop. 

 

 

How To Be Happy…Really…Just Don’t Listen To Me…Or AnyBody Else by Rick London

by Rick London c2011

I believe if someone truly had the “happiness recipe”, their financial worth would eclipse that of Bill Gates & Warren Buffet combined. They’d be so rich they could march in the 99% in torn jeans and an unshaven face in a rustic temporary cabin that he’d paid off the corrupt city administration to set up (permanently).

But of course…I digress.

I don’t have the key to happiness nor am I in the 1%.  And happiness is far from a “one size fits all business”.

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I have some friends who travel and no matter what else, they are happy.  Some other friends are more than content to go to church on Sundays or Synagogue on Friday and share their spiritual experience with others, and they are constantly smiling.  Some of my friends seem happiest when they are working and away from their families, and others feel a sigh of relief to be away from the office (or wherever and with their families).  Again, this is not a one-size fits all world when it comes to figuring out what makes one happy.

And it changes, at least in my own experience.   And I am fortunate to have a soul mate who seems to find happiness in many of the same things.

We are happiest when our health is good.  Ok, that’s a universal.  So we’ve researched and are trying everything possible to try to be as healthy as we can. We don’t smoke or drink. We commune with nature via mountain hiking or just strolling to the park and always come back with a smile (even if we headed there with a frown). Nature is a quick cure and recipe for (at least getting rid of “the grumps”).  We both feel a deep spiritual connectedness in our Ouachita Mountains.

We laugh.  But we don’t laugh for laughing sake.  There are many “feel good psychologists and life coaches” who tell us to laugh”. I believe that is a big mistake….not to laugh laugh at inappropriate times (and things); but to recognize when something is funny to us, and let go.  Again that’s not a one size fits all world. Humor is subjective.  Just because someone likes one comedian, TV show, newspaper or webcomic, does not mean you will, and vice versa.  The importance of knowing when/why to laugh is important because it helps us know more about ourselves and our own boundaries.  And knowing and conquering the “hidden demons” in our psyche is half the battle.  Good humor is one of the greatest weapons.

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Having faith seems to be universal.  But don’t get me wrong.  I am not promoting one religion over another; or any religion.  I know many atheists with plenty of faith and same with agnostics. I know many who claim to be the most religious with little or no faith.  They are generally the ones who preach the most.  I always want to tell them “Don’t Preach To Me, Show Me With Actions”.  Words mean very little to a spiritual educated adult.  We learn and “are sold” by example, not by how “religious you are”.  Jerry Sandusky was very enthusiastic about his church.  Most of us understand the value of words vs. the value of actions.  We’re not fooled and we’re not impressed (with mere words)…which are often diametrically opposed to actions).

Another point I’m (trying) to make is we can’t find happiness by trying to absorb or copy someone else’.  It truly is an “inner job”. Those looking outside oneself will most likely do so until time runs out and we don’t want that.

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Trying one’s passion is of the utmost urgency.  I don’t have to tell you that. No matter what you are doing and how much you are making, you have a dream that you’ve stuffed way back in the corner of your mind.  I don’t mean quit your day job, but give that dream the respect it deserves.  Study it on the Internet or through books.  Take lessons. Do whatever you have to do to make it a part of your life.  In my case, almost at midlife, I finally did that and I love the creative process so much, it truly feels like play, much more so than work, and people actually pay me to do it.  It almost seems unfair, but Lee reminds me that “it makes people laugh”, so I suppose it is a service, creates jobs, etc and is somewhat important in the entire scheme of things.

In any case, it gives me much greater satisfaction than numerous jobs I’ve had that paid considerably more.  And same is true with Lee and her hiking/photography/design business at Hike Our Planet.  It gives her a great sense of joy which is very contagious and we feed off each other in a fun creative manner (some call it brainstorming).  We call it “just plain fun”.

Finally, nobody’s perfect.  My words don’t always parallel my actions, but that is my goal; and I know my moral compass is in a good enough place to where I’ll never go so off-track as to the horror show at Penn State.  The name of the game, I believe, is not to be perfect (Emerson, Thoreau, Mark Twain, Picasso) and so many others have warned us many times, “Looking for perfectionism?  Look somewhere else because you’ll never

find it”.  It’s all about progress, and a healthy respect for others seeking progress, not perfection.  And for the most part,  I stay happy.

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I am just a plain nutty vegan mountain man who loves my wife, hiking, the mountains and pie (if it’s vegan).  I founded Londons Times Cartoons in 1997 which has been Google #1 ranked since 2005 (hey that’s 7 years now) for offbeat cartoons and funny gifts.  And I like to design shoes, clothes, gifts and such in such shops as Shoes That Amuse and Wisdom Shop.