Why Some Parents Create Identified Patients (Scapegoats/Blacksheep) As A Necessity

(Part of this blog repeats a bit of some past blogs (but has to to tell the story correctly). If so, and you’ve read that part, my apologies. Please gloss over that part and get to the new stuff).  Thanks.  Rick

Fifty years ago last week, I saved the lives of my brother Andy Stetelman and sister Carol Stetelman-Abshire from a raging fire that destroyed our home.  It had started from a lawn mower gas tank that the landscaper left with the cap open next to the hot water heater in the storage room.  My parents were at a cocktail party at the Fine’s house.  It was 6:40 (give or take a few moments) CST on a Thursday night, October 1965.                                   npd trauma 1

 

The maid/baby sitter had locked herself out of the house and was repeatedly ringing the doorbell.  My six year old brother Andy was paralyzed with fear crying on the couch in the den on the west side of the house closest to the front door.   My sister Carol was in the hall bathroom taking a shower.

My 11 year old aspie mind assessed the situation. I could see it was bad and about to get much worse.  First I ran to the beige dial-up phone under the stairs next to the bridge table and called the fire department which was on a yellow sticker on the phone. There was no 911 in 1965.

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I then knocked loudly on the hallway bathroom door to alert my sister who didn’t believe me (at first) but as smoked filled the house, she did and left through the front door.

I then pulled Andy next door to Richard Ward’s house who generously kept him calm there and safe so he wouldn’t re-enter the burning home.

For two weeks I had the role of “hero child”.  It felt awkward as I was not used to positive attention from my parents or family.

How do I remember these lucid details such as times, days of the week etc?  I actually remember much more of that night but no room to include.  Some people afflicted with autism/Asperger’s can remember details of situations as far back as 2 years old, some even further. I remember a lot of milestone details as far back as age four.  The fire is one of them.  I even remember how long it took for the fire department to get there after I called. I remember being nervous and twice having to hang up the phone as I could not dial the number correctly.  I remember how the smoke bellowed from my closet door as the Munsters played on tv.  That was 50 years ago. I was 11.

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Then I was told never again to mention what I had done and they were back to treating me as “the core of all the problems they ever had”.  My father mumbled something about humility and that was the end of the story.  I thought he was doing me a favor, teaching me social skills; but if asked about the events of the fire, which I often was, I simply told people, “I don’t talk about that anymore”.

It ruined my bedroom as well which was in an isolated attic away from the family. For all my childhood, I thought living in an isolated attic was normal. It was not. It was very sick, and often done with disabled children who “don’t fit the family lineage”.

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I don’t bring up this dark time in my life to get a pat on the back or receive the tag of “hero”.  That, of course, is not what I am/was at all.  Any brother or sister, I believe would do everything possible to get their sibling(s) out of harm’s way.

The reason for writing about that event, is what was to follow.  The “erasing of Rick”.  It was already happening, I simply was not aware.  I was an undiagnosed autistic child, barely making it in the world, and punished severely for my behavior.

Joe and Rose Kennedy did this with Rosemary with a lobotomy and an isolated cottage in an institution that Joe had built.  On a much smaller scale, that was basically what was being done to me.  In both instances, lies were manufactured so the public would be assured they were being protected from this “accidental monster they’d created”. My family did it to me on a much smaller scale; but with just as little class as Joe Kennedy. Not much.

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In medical/psychological terms, they were creating the “Identified Patient”.  In street terms, the black sheep or scapegoat.  Scapegoats don’t just “happen”, they are created and for a very specific reason (click on link below for article explaining).

Why would any parent do that?  Narcissistic abuse follows one way into adulthood. Siblings and their friends begin to “believe the lies” as to face the truth would make them fall apart, literally.

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I’ve decided this family secret has officially ended.  Whoever believes me or not is immaterial.  I now know what happened and it has been confirmed by some extremely knowledgeable people in the medical community.  And now, of course there are articles and stories all over the media with the Kennedy story being leaked all at the same time.

I am in the process of writing a book, and soon thereafter a film.  I’ve set up a strategy that should something happen to me, members of one of my autism communities will finish both.  Also one member owns a very large film studio. So it will happen whether I’m dead, in jail, or unconscious.  My beloved wife Lee and an autistic group will receive the proceeds of both should something happen to me (I also have congestive heart failure) and active “flying monkeys”, now very angry ones.

These stories need to evolve no matter how scary they are, no matter how much they make waves, no matter how much they disrupt the status quo.  For if they don’t the very soul of this great country is gone.  And it is up to us, the citizens of this great country, to set such stories straight.  Not everyone will believe them and that’s fine.  Those of us who have the epiphany of the real truth is what matters. And if it helps one more person or family, it was all worth it all along.

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Excellent Story On Why Parents Scapegoat:    http://bit.ly/1Lo8Q21

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Rick London is a writer, cartoonist and designer.  He is best known for his Google #1 ranked Londons Times Offbeat Cartoons which he launched in 1997 and Rick London Funny Gifts.

Lies, Liars & More Narcissists. Scapegoat Autistic Offspring How To Do Damage Reduction

So how does an undiagnosed autistic child (or adult) figure out the issue is a Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) origin family including past and current flying monkeys  (FM) from those families and/or friends? Again flying monkeys are minions who do the narcissist’s “dirty work” to attack or harm the scapegoat child (even as an adult); sometimes long after the original narcissist(s) are deceased.  It can be carried on by siblings, friends of siblings, even grandmothers and grandfathers, church or synagogue members; whomever the narcissistic can influence and/or bribe/buy that they know the scapegoat cannot, as they generally do all they can to keep the scapegoat in poverty as long as they can (yet another form of narcissistic parental control).

npd 12 scapegoat rspons One place to start is to think like the criminals they are.  This is not easy for the scapegoat child as he/she is taught never ever to lie.  (What we’re not told is they will do the lying for us, and make sure we are put in situations that make us appear to be the liars).

And I don’t mean to suggest you lie or be a criminal. Just be prepared to ask tough questions to the people from your past you’ve decided to allow into your current life; Ask questions and be silent. You may want to allow none of them contact with you and that is fine.  There are plenty of new communities full of much healthier people willing to offer support.

But, if you decide to give some of the old flying monkeys mercy, learn what some of the FMs who might not be in the FM inner core are hearing from their narcissists on the NPD spectrum.  Then double check it to make sure you heard it right.  It is usually a lie, and often a lie that can be proven (now with the Internet one can get public records (even from a half century ago) with a credit or debit card and the flick of a mouse; not good news for the habitual flying monkeys who are addicted to that lying process (and most are).

From the start, let me make something clear that is so important.  Never ever ask or demand that someone “be on your side” and believe you only.  Jung talked about this.  First it doesn’t work. Second it puts you at the same very low level as the narcissists and their FMs, a place you very much don’t want to be.  Then “they’ve won” in that they’ve brought you down to their level.  Stick with the facts.  If someone shows an interest, show them the evidence. Still, no demands to be on your side “in this fight”.  It’s not a fight.  It is “getting your life back” which is the only battle.  Those people who were once relatives, friends, associates or whatever, are just sad, sick people of the past that hurt you, and possibly tried to do worse.  They didn’t succeed. Now it’s your turn.

Your turn for what?  Not revenge, at least not in the sense that people think of revenge. Don’t ever let them draw you into an argument or debate.  If they try, they are bullying you and that info should go straight to the ADA. I’ve given info on how to contact the Americans With Disabilities Act, and if anyone tries to hurt you now, you have their help.

Success is going to be your revenge.  It may or may not be money.  But it absolutely will be to break the bonds of lies and aspersions that they cast many years ago.  You will be free of those.  And whether you accumulate wealth, or not, there is no greater success than being free of those bonds, and having “the good guys” on your side who are actually in place to protect you.  Is that not success?  You’ve already won the major battle.  Now to build your life the way you’d planned to build it many years ago but were bullied, scapegoated and undermined so that it was assured not to happen.   The perpetrators may have been people to whom you looked up and admired.  They did not deserve that.  They were sick, ugly horrible people, not worthy of your time or attention.

This is the “year of you”.  Let’s build you the way you always wanted to be; even better if you wish.  It is possible at any age. One day in the future, if you deem appropriate, you can forgive them. You can right now if you wish, but it’s not likely to be sincere. You are in the early stages of recovery from what many call “soul murder”.  It is a crime often compared to murder (or rape).  It is definitely child abuse, and it often turns into adult abuse.  Usually the perpetrator(s) are long gone/dead but offspring and their own social/business circles continue the sociopathy.  Now there’s help. Much help.

The scapegoat child (even as an adult)’s fate used to be sealed.  His/her reputation was tarnished before he/she even knew he was “at war” or “in a battle with his family. I, of course, felt really dumb.  But I hadn’t a clue narcissistic parents do everything possible to isolate the chosen “scapegoat child” from its siblings as early as possible.  And who could imagine parents would set up a child to fail (and undermine them if they didn’t) so that they could appear victims of an out-of-control offspring?

Remember, the Internet is your friend.  Now you can check and double check these lies, many times with city and/or county records.  Google “Find County Records” or “Find City Records”.  It often costs about $20 a month to use these services but if you are writing a book or film that requires accuracy and honesty, it is pertinent and well worth the investment.  Or even if you just want to know for yourself (if any of them are true or not, a month or two subscription to such a service can offer empowerment and great peace of mind).  It certainly has for me.

The Flying Monkeys stories can no longer take flight; or only the unwired, those who are on the fringe and quite naive would believe some of the garbage from that kind of drek’s mouths.  They are passe’, archaic, and has-beens.  Most don’t know it, yet; but many are “beginning to get it”.  They are going to have to learn to “make it” on their own, without the abuse of disabled people.  It will be tough for many of them, but they really have no choice (according to the ADA) Americans With Disabilities Act.

Though my own parents knew there was something very amiss with me, they never had me tested for any type of condition or disorder.  It turned out to be autism and Asperger’s (as I have written), and, as I have written, I was hidden away in an “attic bedroom” far away from my other siblings for nearly 12 years of my life (age 6-17).  Job done. Same as solitary confinement (In an autistic child’s mind).   But I didn’t even know such a family dysfunction even existed until age 60.  So where’s the justice? npd autism 66666666666666666666666666666 T

That nightmare existed from age six until age 17 when I was totally/physically abandoned for numerous years until I was so near-death, even the worst dregs of the earth couldn’t not take me back in (I was only taken back in for short periods of time until I could find yet another dead-end nothing job to keep me going as long as possible). It was a gift of God that I had creative and entrepreneurial skills, discovered late in life, that allowed me to build popular businesses from nothing. No money, never more than a few hundred dollars.  So I was “allowed” freedom as an adult as long as I could keep those businesses going. Being a scapegoat child with autism, that was often not very long. npd 2 pretense So, start with a third party, a mutual friend of both “sides of the aisle” who you trust. Ask them a question about yourself, maybe based on a rumor about yourself  you’ve heard elsewhere. The following is just one of several hundred I have on file that have gotten back to me. It is the “But your dad opened that beautiful health food store for you”. When/if you hear the actual lie, ask the friend or relative for a favor.  Ask them if the person who told them the fib might be willing to take a mutual lie-detector test; and then be silent.  If the mutual friend is on the up-and-up, they will usually say (with hesitancy because admittedly it is an odd request) “Sure at least I’ll ask”.

FMs NEVER EVER take lie detectors nor will submit to one even if you, the scapegoat offers to pay for both theirs and yours.  How can they?  Their entire inventory of terror is based on lies. I used to ask that question when such lies got back to me. Now I know the “creator” of such lies never admit they even “knew of them”, much less “created them”.  Occasionally there is a half/or part truth, but that is a rarity, and if there is, it is often nothing they haven’t done themselves, or their friends, or human beings in general. npd flying monkey 2 meme Remember, it is the “big lies” you’re after. The type that can make or break a reputation.  The kind that can make or break a human. The kind that can make or break a spirit. The kind that belongs in best-sellers and top box-office films; and they most certainly will in my case, whether I’m still living or not.  My wife and I have made certain of that as has a very large autism network.

I spoke last month to one of my favorite relatives who, I knew, sadly, was part of the “flying monkey” network.   In her case, it was difficult at best, in that she is married to an attorney who found himself early in life recruited as a FM and they were deep into the FM spectrum before they even reached 40 years old.  They are now in their 80s. npd 3 meme strangers admiration The one thing about this relative is that no matter how much she aged, she was always interested (or so it seemed) in the good and the bad that was happening in my life.  That information seemed to be “our bond”.  She is a tough bird, hence I rarely had trouble telling her much of anything, even the tough parts of my life.  Of course I told these things to Lee (my wife) as well, but by telling unresolved conflicts to an older “trusted” relative, one often gets a perspective that one cannot get from my generation.  Often if I had a problem or conflict, she’d been through something similar and had some sage advice. So I decided to let her know about my definite diagnosis of autism/Asperger’s.  Being from an older generation she asked me where I thought I could have caught it.  She added, “I mean you’ve lived in so many places”. I shook my head and laughed, and told her it was/is congenital, people don’t catch it, one is born with it.  She knew and was very close my parents very well.  She added, “Then how could your parents missed something that big?” npd autism I told her, “That is what we’re trying to find out now.  They also missed vanus, a very severe form of flat feet.” “Rick then surely you caught the vanus somewhere or it was due to injury of all that long distance running, martial arts and hiking.  Maybe cut back on hiking”. I knew this was going to be a difficult conversation. Not knowing yet that I was “the scapegoat child of narcissistic parents (or an ACON), I explained to her that my parents were in their own unresolved battles, and frankly did not have the time to explore everything about me.  They had their “future Realtor of America” and really “Isn’t that all they wanted?”

She always laughed when I said that as she knew that was true. I explained to her that my parents didn’t like me once.  For instance my siblings received nice material inheritances. I added sardonically to my relative, “And I inherited a suitcase”. npd meme 5 ostracism She quipped back quickly, “But your dad did give you that very nice health food store”. There was a long silence (and these long silences gives the scapegoat time to catch his/her breath and realize he/she has caught a flying monkey in a lie). I asked where she heard that (already knowing where she’d heard it as I’d heard it from other mutual friends of my family) and she didn’t answer and changed the subject.

I think I actually surprised her in that, even at her age with her wisdom, she was believing the still-living narcissists. I told her a bank president named Jack T. of the now defunct Bank Of Hattiesburg loaned me the money as well as my partner Doug R.

Jack figured a way to loan my partner and I a whopping $10,000 total.  We needed about eight times that much.  We did what we could (for the rest) using sweat equity. And sweat we did. I was often there until midnight and often 24/7,  decorating and redecorating the store, studying catalogs for hot trending items, learning all I could about nutrition, etc.

My father not only didn’t bank at BOH, he also wanted nothing to do with the health food store, unless he could figure out a way to make money on it.  And of course he did (most of the money that went through that store went to him). He told me he would secure me the corner 875 square foot (perfect) space in a new mall he’d built called “Village Green Mall” if I would rent from him and the rent would be a very low $675 per month. To him low, but to me extremely high.

I assessed the place, Village Green Mall,  and came to the conclusion people would have a difficult time maneuvering in and out of it, or even finding it, given that North 25th Ave. the inward artery had no traffic light, nor did the service road.  He assured me it would be mainly students at USM across the highway and most of them would walk.  Any normal businessperson would have seen the obstacle to traffic, and opted out, as most did.

But when you have autism, at age 28, running marathons and “trying to be a super athlete”, it is easy to talk oneself into believing they can overcome such obstacles, which actually are more basic business principles than obstacles.  They cannot be overcome, and none of the other stores in that once full mall were able to make it past 2-5 years either.  I could run 26 miles, but I couldn’t keep a tiny shop open that had no access road traffic light.  Shows how important basic business principles really are (and to avoid landlords who feel you might not understand them).

npd 8 His assurances were as good as his word.   Very few students could afford or even wanted vitamins or herbs at the time (1978) and most of my older customers also went to the competing store which had about 6 years experience and inventory on me (and easy in/out access). In other words not only did my dad not contribute a penny to The Sesame Seed health food store, he managed to take 24,600 from it in rent.  Rent in a mall that went under (as far as boutique shops which were there when I was).

To my knowledge, it is still open but has tenants such as “EZPay Loans” etc in which people will take a risk taking dangerous turns to get there, simply because they would even deal with a predator lender.   A person wouldn’t make that turn for some overpriced tofu or rice crackers; when they could get it a mile away at an established store and a few years later at a new store called “WalMart” another 1.5 miles away.

So that lie not only didn’t fly but has a backlash that will appear in my book, after I discovered I am able to get those records from the Internet since the business went into Chapter 13 in 1980. Those records are still in the clerk’s office.  The only names anyone will see on them are Doug R.  (my 1st partner who sold out the first year), former USM professor Bill K., and The Bank Of Hattiesburg.  (My late dad’s name is nowhere to be found on the loan papers), as he (and his FMs) have told and continue to tell everyone.  I now know the exact source,  who it was who told my relative in the northeast as I got her to “accidentally” cough it up, and it turned out to be one of the second generation flying monkeys as I suspected.  As mentioned all this is on the Internet county archives and very easy to retrieve which I will be doing for my book.

That FM began making up lies (at least ones that got back to me) before I was 15. I didn’t quite understand what they (the lies) were all about.  Of course with enough therapy, anyone would understand.  Nothing personal, just playing ones role for survival in a very ill NPD family, and my “sin” was being the sane/honest one.  So it goes. Oh, Professional Bill and I decided to try some real estate ventures on our own after the health food crash. We bought some old homes and fixed them up.  In the middle of that, my dad ran him out of town.  He was having “too much control over me” and was “not a good influence”.  Actually he was a very nice person and good influence.  USM apparently thought so too.

Though it has a new name, this is the building where I borrowed the money for The Sesame Seed (my health food store). My father put not one penny into it but took app. $25k in rent moneys.  It was then called Bank Of Hattiesburg.

Though it has a new name, this is the building where I borrowed the money for The Sesame Seed (my health food store). My father put not one penny into it but took app. $25k in rent moneys. It was then called Bank Of Hattiesburg.

That was just one of the many NPD lies that has circulated for years before reaching me (most of them eventually do reach me) as I said.  The majority of FMs do get sick of being minions for a family feud of which they know nothing about, but are commanded by the narcissists in it to take their side and do their dirty work.   They not only eventually stop, but they get so angry over the years they even come to me to let me know what has been happening. So I took all that information to the State Of Arkansas Autism Board Member (for 35 years) who is my acting therapist who assured me that I’ve been dealing with an NPD family.

That is what the attic bedroom isolation was about at age six. It had nothing to do with being a “special child”, it had everything to do with isolating me from the other children. I was the odd one. I blinked my eyes too much. I had twitches, I acted strange. I had autism. I must be punished for that.  And punished I was. The flying monkeys continue to “do their dirty work” as word gets back to me.

But it has died down considerably since my autism diagnosis as such crimes and discrimination against the disabled are taken very seriously (as well they should G.).  I have made it as clear (I only need tell one or two….the rest know within an hoiur or two…that is the way that FM family/minion network works),  as I possibly can to the current living flying monkeys what the consequences will be of further such evil actions (even if it is from a third party), I know the exact source.  The Universe truly has a way of providing kindness and justice if the scapegoat will only grab onto a rope and have patience. The bottom line is disengage, no matter how hard they attack.  All attacks from them go directly to the ADA (Americans With Disability Act) part of the Department Of Justice. npd 14 power Keep in mind that as the scapegoat child (even as an adult), your ability to fight back and resources to do so may be limited. Besides, those type family feuds often last forever and nobody wins. However if the DOJ takes over, the fight has ended (even if the FMs and narcissists don’t realize it at first). That’s why  the ADA exists. Your rights are their business, and they take their business very seriously, no matter what station in life the flying monkeys are enjoying.  Your rights are not only their business, but the FMs and N’s have made a very special effort over the years to make it appear that you don’t have any (rights).  Bullies try their best to do that to their victims.  They are now going to learn otherwise.

My wife and I are listening to one of my network’s webinar on the steps to use to file such a complaint in case this ever happens again, which it could.  I hope everyone can listen. I posted the registration URL on social media yesterday. Please sign up and have a look. It is free, and your rights (that have been taken away) are pertinent.  Knowledge is power and the more you know about your rights, the more it diminshes the FMs/bullies/narcissists.

Meantime, I write these type blogs, not only to compile into a book, but am publishing them sooner than the book; and for free to read, so that others (and this type family dysfunction is omnipotent and we thought it was rare for so long), so that others can get help, or learn from my own mistakes, and not have to shell out money they may not have (for a book) but still get the proper assistance and/or resources. Mark Twain Quote

The NPD Family, The Scapegoat Child, And “Flying Monkeys”. The Remedy – by Rick London#the trac

First, thank you to my wonderful, understanding wife nature and wildlife photographer and gift designer Lee Hiller London who has made 2015 “The Year Of The Rick”, that is, I am able to feel comfortable in my development and growth (that never happened) due to un-diagnosed autism, vanus, and NPD Disorder parents (and subsequent “flying monkeys”).  A thought hit me the other day.  I wonder what it looked like to neighbors who knew I was put away in the attic and my other siblings encouraged to go outside to play.  Don’t get me wrong. I had a bike and all the accoutrements to appear to have some normalcy.  But that’s all they were, like braces on my teeth at age 12.    One might ask, “But Rick, you were given expensive braces. How can you say they ignored you or scapegoated you”.  Every child with crooked teeth whose parents had the resources got braces because that can be seen by the public, plus it played into “the perfection syndrome” of the NPD. npd meme 9 Autism cannot be seen, extremely painful vanus (flat feet with shattered joints, cartilage cannot be seen by the public.  Straight shiny white teeth can; futher proof of “all the good they were doing for their ungrateful child”. So I queried a facebook friend who moved into my neighborhood when she was 5 years old with her parents who were very well known and respected in the community.  Normally, my parents did their best to ingratiate themselves to that type.  Not this couple.  Why? Upon asking questions, I asked her a bit about herself several days ago in facebook private message.  As it turns out she is now a grandmother, and has grandchildren diagnosed with autism.  Upon noticing that, she could see many of the symptoms in herself. ADHD was one of them.  That was no big surprise to her as she’d been reading about it awhile.  She is starting therapy next week to try to lessen some of the painful side effects of what appears to be autism (When I say painful I mean emotionally so) such as depression, anxiety, esteem issues, etc. She feels from reading if not full-blown autism, surely somewhere on the Asperger’s Spectrum (of which I can also identify). I have both. npd meme 1 I asked her if she remembered my attic bedroom.  I imagined 50 years later, she didn’t.  I was very wrong.  She not only remembered it, she remembered wondering what the hell was happening at our home as did her parents.  Why were my other siblings out and about, and I was at home brooding in my attic bedroom away from everyone else most of the day after school. I occasionally had friends, but my parents “ran them off” for being “a bad influence on me”.  The only ones they allowed in my life, were the ones that truly were bad influences on me. Some nearly got me killed.  They remained “just fine” in my parent’s book.

My neighbor (and I’m sure many others) knew to a certain degree something was very wrong; she simply didn’t make it that blunt as you can see in her message to me further down the page on the “facebook screen shot”.    The narcissistic parents can be so self-absorbed, they haven’t a clue others nearby are curious at worst, concerned at best. Even 5 year olds (and of course their more worldly/educated parents).  I asked her if I might block out her name and photo and post it in my upcoming book (of which I am blogging various chapters now).  She said, “Not only can you post it, there’s no need to block out my name or photo. I can see quite well what they were doing to you”.  Still I decided to block it out. Her family was very well known and respected and though she’s moved far away, she still visits occasionally.  npd 7 The shocker is that though her loving parents didn’t know she had autism (which she may not), they knew something was different and took a very different approach than my parents did.  They loved her unconditionally and being good with academia, helped her nonstop with her homework and encouraged her to try new things and face challenges. Of course mine did the opposite.  jung meme 3 Here is a screenshot of her memories of me hidden away in the attic.  This was our third home, but our second home in Hillendale, the subdivision my maternal grandfather Marcus London developed, the home that burned down and rebuilt.  The home that I made sure the fire department arrived by calling them and the home where I dragged my 5 year old frightened brother to safety next door at Richard Ward’s home and made certain my older sister got out of the  bathtub and out of the burning home that had smoke billowing through it. She has even noticed that my wife Lee is an angel, learning with me all we can, so our lives are as happy and fulfilling as we deserve. And we deserve good now.  We’ve seen what rough edges can be.

We know what “flying monkeys” can and will do. We now have the tools to stop them in their tracks, with the help of major networks and government agencies if need be, but we know our rights, and we use them accordingly if need be.  I deserve my remaining golden years to be good ones. I spent 12 years in “attic captivity” in a place where NPD tactics were used regularly to create a “scapegoat child” and later a “scapegoat adult”.  The more you read about NPD, the more nauseous one gets.  There’s no way around it. I know I will have to forgive one day, not for them but for me. Meantime, my newfound anger, energy and contacts only drives me to help other families and/or children who might find themselves in similar situations.  

That has become, other than God and my wife, the most important thing.  That story was told often in my family….for a few months.  Then suddenly it disappeared as if it had never happened. I went from “the bravest little boy ever” back to the “snotty bratty kid who could do nothing right”.  Even in adulthood, my siblings never thanked me or acknowledged that I’d saved their lives.  My parents concluded I had, the maid said I did, I’m sure it appeared to next door neighbor Richard Ward I did, at least with my 5 year old brother (as I had him tightly by the arm dropping him off there to safety from the burning home, and finally am sure it is somewhere in the record archives of the Hattiesburg Police and Fire Departments.  

But suddenly it disappeared from my family records.  Rick never saved anyone; or at least it was never brought up again, and I was discouraged from talking to others about it.  It even seemed creepy to me then. Now that I know what that was all about, it is worse than creepy. It is maniacal, yet I’d do my best to save their lives again if put in a similar situation.  They never could help being emotionally ill anymore than I could.  My parents couldn’t help that they had NPD Disorder.  However, they could have gone for help.  They didn’t (to my knowledge).  If they did, it didn’t “take”.  mandalay connie Large blocked2222222222222222222222222

Anyone who knows he/she has not done wrong, longs to clear his/her name; no matter how many years later if it has been tarnished. Often, at first, it is a total surprise as to why it even has (been tarnished). I was never told I had done anything wrong.  I was never corrected for anything above regular childrens “crimes and misdemeanors.   One knows if he has tried his best. I’d not hurt anyone, at least not purposely, and was baffled figure out why their family of birth keeps those “imaginary wrongs” in the public eye.   Though I have a good name outside of my hometown in most cases (even worldwide..and should, I treat my friends and fans as I’d want to be treated), remnants of NPD occasionally resurface.

 I was raised in an NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) home.   NPD is a dreaded emotional disorder in which parents abuse their children, all of them, but particularly the “scapegoat archetype” child, well into adulthood.   That is a necessary dynamic to the NPD (according to Jung and Satir) in order for the NPD model to work.  Make no mistake, the other children; hero, golden, and/or lost child are injured every bit as much.  They simply don’t know it as they get “some soothing” via material possessions, less mental abuse etc. NPD is so subtle, unless one is trained, studied, or looking with a microscope, it can be very difficult to be revealed. In fact it appears the opposite. It appears the victims are the parents and the perpetrator is the scapegoat child. Nothing is further than the truth. In fact it is the overly-sensitive, truthful scapegoat that is chosen for those very qualities in most cases (to be the scapegoat) to the NPD parents.  

The other NPD children, the golden child, the lost child etc. may not have been brutally criticized etc. daily, but they were carefully and artfully manipulated into their roles to help do their parents bidding, and to make certain the “scapegoat child” was hated within the family unit, and then help broadcast it into the community.  Children are not dumb.  They knew early on it was a lie but had to do what they had to do to survive in that family unit.  So they did.  It became habit and possibly even fun.  But a lie is a lie, and even as adults, especially as adults, they know exactly what it is (unless they are just too far gone) in denial.  npd 3 meme parent The narcissistic parents do not recruit friends, they recruit to what are commonly referred as “flying monkeys” named after the flying monkeys from the film “Wizard Of Oz”.  Those FMs are completely unaware, at first, why they are recruited, at least most of them.  Ironically, not only Jung and Satir (and to for the most part Freud, were aware of this entire sick family dynamic, so was Mark Twain. He warned people with his famous quote regarding “getting fooled”.  It pertained to this very issue.  So where is the closure?  Where is the justice that was a lifetime of chaos and capriciousness facilitated by parents who used their scapegoat child as a diversion (for the public) to their own mental illness? 

What is left but “flying monkeys” who, haven’t a clue they were duped, wouldn’t believe it if the best psychologist (or psychiatrist in the world told them), and why do they continue, as if chronically ill themselves to blacken your name, no matter where you live by insidiously broadcasting to local religious organizations, law enforcement, friends, students and even mutual friends of the scapegoat etc. many of whom all tell me what they are up to.  At first some of it thought it was “sort of fun”.  Then they saw the damage that was being done to me.  Then they saw the damage that was being done to them. Then they got sick of it; at least the ones with a little bit of sanity left.  The others continue to enjoy it as it is “what makes them tick”.  They will (most probably) need legal intervention to stop if it invades my space, hurts me in personal or business situations etc.  But it takes what it takes.  Lee and I have a motto in our home and it applies to everywhere we go, “Nobody wants to bully either of us. They may not know it at this time, but they really really don’t.”

Most are sick of them and, like most adults, feel that if one has unfinished business with someone, they should confront that person themselves.  Flying monkeys are cowards.  Cowards of the worst kind.  Some think they are strong and mighty (because they have brought the scapegoat to his/her knees) but quite the opposite.  It was the numbers of them, not any one of them.  It was also the element of surprise in that the scapegoat hasn’t a clue that he/she is “in a war” until way after it is too late.  The negative feedback usually begins early on (and from parents, then siblings, then community) so that’s “just how life is to the scapegoat”, a bit difficult but hey, that is life, right?  No, not even close.  

In real life a person is not purposely undermined on a daily basis by hundreds, sometimes thousands.  The good news.  There is a solution and it can be reversed, and often is.  No one of them could endure, or even come close to endure what the scapegoat has (and deep down every one of them are quite aware of that fact), hence they never confront or even mention any of the “wrongs” to the scapegoat ever. 

When word has occasionally gotten back to me by 3rd parties, I always ask, “What was my wrong?”  Of course all I get is radio silence.  I always then ask, “Do you think you could get them to take a lie detector test with me?  I’ll gladly pay for it.” Again radio silence.  That has happened so many times, it is what led me on my two decade journey to finally discover exactly what the issue was, and the issue was not me, it was a  horrid social/mental disorder of which my parents suffered called NPD. npd meme father 2 Recently, I mentioned it was discovered that I have autism. I mentioned this to several relatives, close relatives (or as close a birth relatives that I might have).  One does not “catch autism” as if it is an airborne disease, it is congenital.  One relative had nothing to say except, “Well we didn’t know much about autism back then.”  I followed up, “Why wasn’t I tested?” 

She continued, “Well if we didn’t know much about anything why would we have you tested?”  I responded, “Then why at age 6 was I hidden away in an attic far removed/isolated from my other two siblings?  (radio silence).  I knew then my parents knew there was indeed something very different about me. It turned out not to be a disease, but a gift.  But a gift of which they were ashamed, since it was so different.

When emailed from me to one blood relative of my autism he replied, “Funny, I have a bit of dyslexia and I volunteer with some local doctors and we get great results. I’m very interested in yours. Please tell me more as my wife’s niece has a mild case of it, hence we have it on both sides of the family”. (In other words, “Shut up, Rick. You’re making a big deal over nothing.  Sorry your autism was never diagnosed. Live with it.  The rest of us are doing just fine with my wife’s niece with her mild case.”)

Unless he is totally naive, which is very possible, I think he thought I’d listen to his garbage and just let it go.  He thought so very wrong.  I will one day let it go. though, but of course that’s another season. Now is not that season. Now that I am in touch with it, know what it is, and finally know what it is I am battling and learning to grow, develop, and learning to live comfortably with  it, I won’t stop, especially given the NPD/flying monkeys continued behaviors, until the world is extremely aware.  That is a promise.

If anything happens to me, there are 25 others writing with me in the autism/Asperger’s network and they are very familiar with my case and the players.  FYI, there are no “mild cases” of autism or Asperger’s. One is either on the spectrum or not.  There are different places on the spectrum of which they are, but that isn’t mild or intense, it is autism, a different way of thinking. Period. Only the most ignorant and uniformed would call autism “mild”.

 I almost couldn’t believe what I was reading in the email, and then remembered it was from a related (one of the core) “flying monkey” recruiters. I showed that to my PhD psychologist expert who simply shook her head.  She knew what I’d been up against for many many years, and how very cruel it was, and is; as are the people involved in such virulently negative behavior. 

It’s way too late for them to continue the flying monkey routine and think it is productive. If anything it is simply more “grist for the mill” for our publishing and/or productions to do anything possible to help other families avoid it, or if they are already on the narcissism spectrum, how to change the dynamics from extremely sick to healthier, and possibly to healthy (with the right professionals).  So the more they “act out”, the more information we have on various “worst-case scenarios”.  As I mentioned, some “writers” who are not quite aware they are writing the ending….are writing the ending of my story 🙂  

My wonderful wife Lee seems to have a very instinctual understanding of it all, and is very supportive.  I am very lucky for that.   I get so much more done in my personal life, my business life, and now my educational life (that is in helping others understand what is happening to them with NPD and/or un-diagnosed autism/Apserger’s; and “flying monkeys and cruel/ignorant families.  She is a brilliant writer with excellent contacts and knows how to complete my project, and will, should something happen, along with the autism network.  It will be completed, no matter what. 

My blood relative added, “In 4th grade mom and dad learned I had ADD so mom threw me a Valium, put me on my bike and sent me to school. It’s a wonder I ever made it to adulthood”.  Then he added an “LOL” at the end of that statement as if that were funny, and of course another subtle request for me to “stop making a big deal out of nothing”.  

Of course those of us who are halfway studied, understand that child abuse is anything but “nothing”.  It could only make me wonder how he has raised, and is raising his own children.  I shudder to think.  Hence the isolation and subsequent mental abuse.  Possibly a part of them felt the abuse would “change those differences”.  I had tics, I blinked my eyes incessantly, I flailed my hands and numerous other obvious movements.

Healthy parents would have at least had their child assessed by a child psychologist. Even a mediocre one in those days knew enough about autism to know it was “not something to be cured” but something to be educated in a different manner (special education) and in my case it would have simply been “the gifted program” and I would have fared quite well. Keep in mind after the parents are deceased, with nothing, of course, but unfinished business, not just with their scapegoat but with their golden child and lost child, what happens.  Long before the parents are deceased, the siblings of the scapegoat learn they can join in with the abuse, and this for the most part keeps the focus off them, and their imperfections. 

Remember, NPD is all about ambiance, (the way things look and seem to the general public) and they must seem as perfect as humanly possible; even if that means “creating a scapegoat” as “the one who is always trying to mess things up”.  That scapegoat actually is, but not because he/she wants to, because he/she has to. He/she has been programmed by the sick parents to do so, and if he/she doesn’t misbehave, he/she can and often is criticized even more severely and for longer periods of time.  This is the parent’s “alarm bell” to say to them, “See, we are perfect and we are doing the best we can, but we’ve been cursed with this demon child” who cannot do anything but wrong.   And wrong I could do. I must have responded to my programming with such preciseness, they were quite proud (while badmouthing me the whole time). npd meme 9 A recent flying monkey reared his ugly head not more than a few months ago.  He lives in Houston and contacted several local businessmen of which I have a good relationship.  They wondered why, if he had a gripe with me, he didn’t simply contact me.  He grew up in this area, but really didn’t know them or vice versa.  One spilled the beans and let me know what he was up to.  I contacted the ADA (Americans With Disability Act). When I tell you they are on your side (if you have a disability, and believe me you do whether you have autism or NPD or both).  The casting of aspersions stopped as rapidly as they started.  I called for a complete federal investigation (and would again next I hear of one). 

I now have heart disease and high blood pressure (and civil rights) and if they do anything to affect my health due to my disability (and now that is what the flying monkey business is about), they are asking for prison time.  And I am willing to help them pack their bags.  I can no longer be run over, not by them, and not by an unsuspecting third party they “recruit in innocence”. 

The healthy places I’m now going in my life, are they don’t “want to go there” places…not because they don’t want to, because they can’t. Unless they come clean (which is highly doubtful), they will remain bitter sick “flying monkeys” into the grave.  As sad as that sounds, it happens every day.   Plus they are no longer invited. I now know who they are and their sick sick game. They do not have the honor of my company, even in proxy by 3rd or even 10th party “flying monkeys”. 

They will have to create their own new fantasy life that does not include me.  Maybe new scapegoats (Though I don’t wish that on anyone, a “flying monkey must have a scapegoat” in their minds, in order simply to “be”, to “exist” if you will.  Many do not understand that yet. They will when my book and subsequent film is produced, though.  The flying monkeys are writing the ending.  They simply aren’t aware of that fact yet.  Maybe now they are aware now, or figured it out awhile back. 

They’ve been writing it for the past 1.5 years.  I hope they like what they’ve written thus far. I mention that part of the story because one cannot do enough for narcissists.  The “scapegoat role” is way much more important than anything so temporary and expected as risking ones life to save there’s.  Thankfully there are still people alive who remember that incident, and I believe the fire and police departments keep that kind of thing on record.  npd flying monkey 2 meme Never try to satisfy a narcissist. They do not look at you as human, only as a tool to further their role as victim and covert abuser. Mark Twain knew that. Jung knew that, Virginia Satir knew that, and for your own peace of mind, please learn and know that. Twain possibly knew more (by instinct, not training) than any other in contemporary history on the dysfunctional family.  Often he felt it necessary to describe it from a child’s point of view.  Huckleberry Finn is chock full of quotes regarding this type dysfunctional family as well as other dysfunctional type family dynamics.  Mark Twain Quote If you are someone’s flying monkey, do the healthy thing and distance yourself. If you find yourself unable, get professional help. They will give you the tools to do so.  To abuse a child is unforgivable. To abuse a child with autism, or any such disability is beyond unforgivable. It is the definition of abuse and sin.  Even in the best of conditions, any scapegoat child would have had a very difficult time moving forward and grow as his/her peers. To stunt that is evil (in the serial killer level of evil….the dynamics are the same; having others/minions do the “soul murder” by carrying out their dirty work, but keeping their hands clean). Didn’t someone named “Manson” use similar dynamics in the 60s?  

True, it is difficult to see the similarities…..unless you’ve been the victim of this type of crime, but it is easy to see that the dynamics were/are identical. The narcissist makes the rules of who is bad or good, and then sends out “flying monkeys “to punish them”.  It’s pretty clear.  The narcissists hands are clean and rarely if ever puts such orders in writing.  The flying monkeys get the blame if caught.

  I’ll be clear.  As sick as these people were/and current ones are, I don’t compare them to Manson and his evil crimes.  (He is a monster), only the dynamics of their crimes.  The dynamics are exactly the same.  The perpetrator’s hands are clean.  Their flying monkeys have all the blood on their hands, and like Manson’s “flying monkeys”, don’t most (not all) but most, don’t even have a clue they are being used, and their best interests are not at heart.  Often they are given “gifts” or other material things to make them forget that.  The ones who continue it are the ones who never had moral or ethics in the first place and if they’ve passed middle age, they still have a chance to get well, but that window is closing rapidly. 

Make no mistake, it is a brutal horrible inexcusable crime (that rarely goes punished); except for the inner-demons and very low self-esteem that exists in any narcissist and “flying monkey”.  That is the extent of their punishment unless legally made to stop.  And that is my goal; plus to educate others as how to do the same.   The difference is Manson’s poor victims never had a chance to get help and understanding as to what happened to them.  Soul murder is different.  A victim does get that chance, if bright enough, but it won’t be due to the flying monkeys sharing private information or handing them the key from bondage.  It will be from self-awareness, education, and very good professional people who understand “the whole game” very well. In fact they see it daily.  They are the best psychologists that profession has to offer.  

And I have several of them working with me personally, and several more in my network.  I hate writing that, and don’t want to think it, but it is true (according to textbook psychology and psychiatry).  It is a type of murder (soul murder) that lasts a long time. Sometimes a lifetime.  Sometimes the scapegoat gets lucky and with a lot of help, figures their game out, and how it can and must stop (not just for my own good, but for theirs as well).   It is even more difficult to write, given that many of the central players of the “flying monkeys” are blood relatives to me, but I don’t call them “my relatives” when mentioning their names.  It is best for healthy people to not have association with someone like that; in fact pertinent.  Pioneer NPD therapist Virginia Satir understood the dynamics of an NPD family possibly better than anyone.  Here are her “Five Freedoms”….. npd virginia Satir If you find you are the family scapegoat of an NPD family, find a way to get the information into the community.  This type family crisis is fixable, or at least treatable so that the amount of abuse and flying monkeys are minimal, and you get to lead the productive healthy life you deserve.  But first one must confront every “demon”, and stop worrying about making waves.  As Shakespeare most briefly stated, “To thine own self be true”.  jung wolf ——————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Rick London is an author, songwriter, cartoonist and gift designer.  He is best known for his Google #1 ranked Londons Times Offbeat Cartoons which he launched in 1997. His funny gift shops are very popular as well.

Narcissistic Parental Disorder, Flying Monkeys, And Denial, Oh My….What Now? by Rick London

First, thank you to my wonderful, understanding wife nature and wildlife photographer and gift designer Lee Hiller London who has made 2015 “The Year Of The Rick”, that is, I am able to fill comfortable in my development and growth (that never happened) due to un-diagnosed autism, vanus, and NPD Disorder parents (and subsequent “flying monkeys”). 

A thought hit me the other day.  I wonder what it looked like to neighbors who knew I was put away in the attic and my other siblings encouraged to go outside to play.  Don’t get me wrong. I had a bike and all the accoutrements to appear to have some normalcy.  But that’s all they were, like braces on my teeth at age 12.    One might ask, “But Rick, you were given expensive braces. How can you say they ignored you or scapegoated you”.  Every child with crooked teeth whose parents had the resources got braces because that can be seen by the public, plus it played into “the perfection syndrome” of the NPD.

npd meme 9

Autism cannot be seen, extremely painful vanus (flat feet with shattered joints, cartilage cannot be seen by the public.  Straight shiny white teeth can; futher proof of “all the good they were doing for their ungrateful child”.

So I found a neighbor who moved into my neighborhood when she was 5 years old with her parents who were very well known and respected in the community.  Normally, my parents did their best to ingratiate themselves to that type.  Not this couple.  Why?

Upon asking questions, I asked her a bit about herself several days ago in facebook private message.  As it turns out she is now a grandmother, and has grandchildren diagnosed with autism.  Upon noticing that, she could see many of the symptoms in herself. ADHD was one of them.  That was no big surprise to her as she’d been reading about it awhile.  She is starting therapy next week to try to lessen some of the painful side effects of autism (When I say painful I mean emotionally so) such as depression, anxiety, esteem issues, etc.

npd meme 1

I asked her if she remembered my attic bedroom.  I imagined 50 years later, she didn’t.  I was very wrong.  She not only remembered it, she remembered wondering what the hell was happening at our home.  Why were my younger siblings out and about, and I was at home brooding in my attic bedroom away from everyone else.  She knew to a certain degree something was very wrong; she simply didn’t make it that blunt as you can see in her message to me.  

I asked her if I might block out her name and photo and post it in my upcoming book (of which I am blogging various chapters now).  She said, “Not only can you post it, there’s no need to block out my name or photo. I can see quite well what they were doing to you”.  Still I decided to block it out. Her family was very well known and respected and though she’s moved far away, she still visits occasionally. 

npd 7

The shocker is that though her loving parents didn’t know she had autism (which she may not) but chances are good she does, they knew something was different and took a very different approach than my parents did.  They loved her unconditionally and being good with academia, helped her nonstop with her homework and encouraged her to try new things and face challenges. Of course mine did the opposite. 

jung meme 3

Here is a screenshot of her memories of me hidden away in the attic.  This was our third home, but our second home in Hillendale, the subdivision my maternal grandfather Marcus London developed, the home that burned down.  The home that I made sure the fire department arrived by calling them and the home where I dragged my 5 year old frightened brother to safety and made certain my older sister got out of the  bathtub and out of the burning home that had smoke billowing through it. She has even noticed that my wife Lee is an angel, learning with me all we can, so our lives are as happy and fulfilling as we deserve. And we deserve good now.  We’ve seen what rough edges can be. We know what “flying monkeys” can and will do. We know how to stop them in the tracks, with the help of major networks and government agencies if need be, but we know our rights, and we use them accordingly if need be. 

mandalay connie Large blocked2

Everyone who knows they have not done wrong, longs to clear their name; no matter how many years later if it has been tarnished. Often, at first, it is a total surprise as to why it even has (been tarnished). One knows they have tried their best. They know they’ve not hurt anyone, at least not purposely, and they can’t figure out why their family of birth keeps those “imaginary wrongs” in the public eye. 

 Though I have a good name outside of my hometown in most cases (even worldwide..and should, I treat my friends and fans as I’d want to be treated), remnants of NPD occasionally resurface.  I was raised in an NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) home.   NPD is a dreaded emotional disorder in which parents abuse their children, all of them, but particularly the “scapegoat archetype” child, well into adulthood.   That is a necessary dynamic to the NPD (according to Jung and Satir) in order for the NPD model to work. 

Make no mistake, the other children; hero, golden, and/or lost child are injured every bit as much.  They simply don’t know it as they get “some soothing” via material possessions, less mental abuse etc. NPD is so subtle, unless one is trained, studied, or looking with a microscope, it can be very difficult to be revealed. In fact it appears the opposite. It appears the victims are the parents and the perpetrator is the scapegoat child. Nothing is further than the truth. In fact it is the overly-sensitive, truthful scapegoat that is chosen for those very qualities in most cases (to be the scapegoat) to the NPD parents. 

npd 3 meme parent

The narcissistic parents do not recruit friends, they recruit to what are commonly referred as “flying monkeys” named after the flying monkeys from the film “Wizard Of Oz”.  Those FMs are completely unaware, at first, why they are recruited, at least most of them.  Ironically, not only Jung and Satir (and to for the most part Freud, were aware of this entire sick family dynamic, so was Mark Twain. He warned people with his famous quote regarding “getting fooled”.  It pertained to this very issue. 

So where is the closure?  Where is the justice that was a lifetime of chaos and capriciousness facilitated by parents who used their scapegoat child as a diversion (for the public) to their own mental illness? 

What is left but “flying monkeys” who, haven’t a clue they were duped, wouldn’t believe it if the best psychologist (or psychiatrist in the world told them), and why do they continue, as if chronically ill themselves to blacken your name, no matter where you live by insidiously broadcasting to local religious organizations, law enforcement, etc. most of whom all tell me what they are up to.  Most are sick of them and, like most adults, feel that if one has unfinished business with someone, they should confront that person themselves.  Flying monkeys are cowards.  Cowards of the worst kind.  Some think they are strong and mighty (because they have brought the scapegoat to his/her knees) but quite the opposite.  It was the numbers of them, not any one of them. 

No one of them could endure, or even come close to endure what the scapegoat has (and deep down every one of them are quite aware of that fact), hence they never confront or even mention any of the “wrongs” to the scapegoat ever.  When word has occasionally gotten back to me by 3rd parties, I always ask, “What was my wrong?”  Of course all I get is radio silence.  I always then ask, “Do you think you could get them to take a lie detector test with me?  I’ll gladly pay for it.” Again radio silence.  That has happened so many times, it is what led me on my two decade journey to finally discover exactly what the issue was, and the issue was not me, it was a  horrid social/mental disorder of which my parents suffered called NPD.

npd meme father 2

Recently, I mentioned it was discovered that I have autism. I mentioned this to several relatives, close relatives (or as close a birth relatives that I might have).  One does not “catch autism” as if it is an airborne disease, it is congenital.  One relative had nothing to say except, “Well we didn’t know much about autism back then.”  I followed up, “Why wasn’t I tested?”  She continued, “Well if we didn’t know much about anything why would we have you tested?”  I responded, “Then why at age 6 was I hidden away in an attic far removed/isolated from my other two siblings?  (radio silence).  I knew then my parents knew there was indeed something very different about me. It turned out not to be a disease, but a gift.  But a gift of which they were ashamed, since it was so different.

When emailed from me to one blood relative of my autism he replied, “Funny, I have a bit of dyslexia and I volunteer with some local doctors and we get great results. I’m very interested in yours. Please tell me more as my wife’s niece has a mild case of it, hence we have it on both sides of the family”. (In other words, “Shut up, Rick. You’re making a big deal over nothing.  Sorry your autism was never diagnosed. Live with it.  The rest of us are doing just fine with my wife’s niece with her mild case.”)

Unless he is totally naive, which is very possible, I think he thought I’d listen to his garbage and just let it go.  He thought so very wrong.  I will one day let it go. though, but of course that’s another season. Now is not that season. Now that I am in touch with it, know what it is, and finally know what it is I am battling and learning to grow, develop, and learning to live comfortably with  it, I won’t stop, especially give the NPD/flying monkeys experience, until the world is aware.  That is a promise. If anything happens to me, there are 25 others writing with me.  It’s way too late for them to continue the flying monkey routine and think it is productive. If anything it is simply more “grist for the mill” for our publishing and/or productions. 

My life Lee seems to have a very instinctual understanding of it all, and is very supportive.  I am very lucky for that.   I get so much more done in my personal life, my business life, and now my educational life (that is in helping others understand what is happening to them with NPD and/or un-diagnosed autism/Apserger’s; and “flying monkeys and cruel/ignorant families. 

He added, “In 4th grade mom and dad learned I had ADD so mom threw me a Valium, put me on my bike and sent me to school. It’s a wonder I ever made it to adulthood”. 

Hence the isolation and subsequent mental abuse.  Possibly a part of them felt the abuse would “change those differences”.  I had tics, I blinked my eyes incessantly, I flailed my hands and numerous other obvious movements. Healthy parents would have at least had their child assessed by a child psychologist. Even a mediocre one in those days knew enough about autism to know it was “not something to be cured” but something to be educated in a different manner (special education) and in my case it would have simply been “the gifted program” and I would have fared quite well.

Keep in mind after the parents are deceased, with nothing, of course, but unfinished business, not just with their scapegoat but with their golden child and lost child, what happens.  Long before the parents are deceased, the siblings of the scapegoat learn they can join in with the abuse, and this for the most part keeps the focus off them, and their imperfections. 

Remember, NPD is all about ambiance, (the way things look and seem to the general public) and they must seem as perfect as humanly possible; even if that means “creating a scapegoat” as “the one who is always trying to mess things up”. 

That scapegoat actually is, but not because he/she wants to, because he/she has to. He/she has been programmed by the sick parents to do so, and if they don’t, they are often punished.  This is the parent’s “alarm bell” to say to them, “See, we are perfect and we are doing the best we can, but we’ve been cursed with this “demon child” who cannot do anything but wrong.   And wrong I could do. I must have responded to my programming with such preciseness, they were quite proud (while badmouthing me the whole time).

npd meme 9

A recent flying monkey reared his ugly head not more than a few months ago.  He lives in Houston and contacted several local businessmen of which I have a good relationship.  They wondered why, if he had a gripe with me, he didn’t simply contact me.  He grew up in this area, but really didn’t know them or vice versa.  One spilled the beans and let me know what he was up to.  I contacted the ADA (Americans With Disability Act).

When I tell you they are on your side (if you have a disability, and believe me you do whether you have autism or NPD or both).  The casting of aspersions stopped as rapidly as they started.  I called for a complete federal investigation (and would again next I hear of one).  I now have heart disease and high blood pressure (and civil rights) and if they do anything to affect my health due to my disability (and now that is what the flying monkey business is about), they are asking for prison time.  And I am willing to help them pack their bags.  I can no longer be run over, not by them, and not by an unsuspecting third party they “recruit in innocence”. 

They healthy places I’m now going in my life, they don’t “want to go there”.  And not because they wouldn’t if they could, it’s because they can’t go there.  They are no longer invited along.  They do not have the honor of my company, even in proxy.  They will have to create their own new fantasy life that does not include me.  Many do not understand that yet. They will when my book and subsequent film is produced, though.  They’re writing the ending.  They simply aren’t aware of that fact yet.  Maybe now they are.  They’ve been writing it for the past 1.5 years.  I hope they like what they’ve written thus far.

I mention that part of the story because one cannot do enough for narcissists.  The “scapegoat role” is way much more important than anything so temporary and expected as risking ones life to save there’s.  Thankfully there are still people alive who remember that incident, and I believe the fire and police departments keep that kind of thing on record. 

npd flying monkey 2 meme

Never try to satisfy a narcissist. They do not look at you as human, only as a tool to further their role as victim and covert abuser. Mark Twain knew that. Jung knew that, Virginia Satir knew that, and for your own peace of mind, please learn and know that.

Twain possibly knew more (by instinct, not training) than any other in contemporary history on the dysfunctional family.  Often he felt it necessary to describe it from a child’s point of view.  Huckleberry Finn is chock full of quotes regarding this type dysfunctional family as well as other dysfunctional type family dynamics. 

Mark Twain Quote

If you are someone’s flying monkey, do the healthy thing and distance yourself. If you find yourself unable, get professional help. They will give you the tools to do so. 

Pioneer NPD vs Healthy Family therapist Virginia Satir understood the dynamics of an NPD family possibly better than anyone. 

Here are her “Five Freedoms”…..

npd virginia Satir

If you find you are the family scapegoat of an NPD family, find a way to get the information into the community. 

This type family crisis is fixable, or at least treatable so that the amount of abuse and flying monkeys are minimal, and you get to lead the productive healthy life you deserve.  But first one must confront every “demon”, and stop worrying about making waves.  As Shakespeare most briefly stated, “To thine own self be true”. 

jung wolf

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Rick London is an author, songwriter, cartoonist and gift & clothing designer.  He is best known for his Google #1 ranked Londons Times Offbeat Cartoons & Funny Gifts.  He also has the condition of autism/Asperger’s and is an adult child of NPD parents. 

Gay Does Not Need To Be Cured. Autism Does Not Need To Be Cured. Haters Need To Be Cured

Excerpt from my upcoming book (also being co-written by several psychologists) and some laymen who don’t know they are writing the ending of my book.  They are.

What Happened To Me – No Longer A Mystery

It would be the epitome of hypocrisy for me to be for equal rights for those with disabilities (with which we who have them are often born with them) but not be supportive of the  gay community (when it’s been proven again and again, gay is how they are born).  There is no fixing autism. There is no fixing gay.  Fixing hate is virtually impossible, but has been done and is done every now and again. Sadly, more often than not, hate remains hate, and the hater waves it like a sacred banner.

Though I am straight, and married to a woman who I love, I also am autistic/w Asperger’s and was not diagnosed until age 60. My parents decided not to have me tested but hid me away in an attic bedroom instead. They (my parents) and my siblings resided far on the other side of the house, in downstairs bedrooms. The “isolation process of Rick had begun” at age 6 at 109 Mandalay Drive. The year was 1960. I was six years old.

I could not hear them talk, laugh, or cry. I could not hear them interact. When my brother was born, I couldn’t hear him cry.  I was basically alone from age 6 to age 17 unless friends visited. My parents banned most my friends “for their bad behaviors”, however, so it was “alone again, naturally”.

Isolating the “scapegoat child” in a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) family is one of the most common fingerprints of such a family; and there is no better way to do so than to make certain the scapegoat child resides in a bedroom (preferably in a large home) as far away from the other siblings as possible).  My parents had that part down to an art.

They told me (when I cried which was often), it was “a special room” because I was such a “special child”.  That did not stop the crying. Any 6 year old would be frightened out of his/her mind alone in an attic while the other siblings had rooms across and next to the parents (in what might as well have been another home….it was that far away from my “attic hideaway”.

Why was I chosen as the scapegoat child when I could have been “the golden child” or another archetype?  Often it is “a luck of the draw”.  There is little doubt, now that we know of my autism (people don’t ‘catch’ autism, they are born with it), it is because I “acted different”.  Decent humane parents immediately get help for a child who “acts different”.  NPD afflicted parents do all they can to punish and isolate the child from themselves (the parents) and other siblings.  I’m certain my autism forced me to have odd movements, speech impediments, excessive eyeblinking, clumsiness,  etc.  That type child to an NPD parent would be the easiest to “be the troublemaker” or “scapegoat” and “programming” would not be as difficult.

This is not the kind of thing anyone wants to write of their parents.  Like all adults, we want to have fond memories of our parents as so many our friends do.  We want to brag on the amazing, wonderful things they did for us.  So this is not going to be a “fun read” nor is it going to be fun to write.  It is going to be pertinently necessary to write and I suggest if there is even a hint of the scent of narcissistic/manipulative behavior in your home, to seek professional assistance).  Do not confront the instigators. Find a way to tell a friend, school counselor, psychologist, or even the police.  Just make sure you get help. Otherwise, It only gets worse. Way worse.

My recent diagnosis of autism/Asperger’s was  truly not a big surprise; but a bit of a painful one; a lot to digest/absorb at this point in my life.  So was learning of having NDP disorder parents.

I also was born with vanus (a horrific form of flat feet which is very painful). That too, was “overlooked”.  My wife saw it within 2 years. I stood and walked a bit like a duck with inward pointed feet. When asked I told her I’d always stood and walked that way.  She was beside herself that nobody had diagnosed it before now (at age 60).

I had it diagnosed and sure enough, it was a classic case. People don’t catch vanus. One can only be born with it.  Again, my parents decided best not to have it tested. No need.  Crippling a child is fine.  By the way I later became a long distance runner (finished two marathons). My parents knew I was running them (and training 100s of miles for them) and said nothing.  My father was born with flat feet.  He was of draft age during WW2, but at that time flat feet kept one from military duty.

Vanus does not get a lot of sympathy.  Of all the pain I’ve experienced, and I’ve experienced a great deal including two major heart attacks (3 surgeries for them), appendicitis and subsequent surgery, serious sleep apnea and a new type of surgery that was the most painful post-surgery (including that of heart attacks) I’ve ever experienced, and several other horrendous experiences.  Of all that pain, nothing even holds a candle to vanus when it is untreated. The pain was often so horrific, it was beyond child abuse.  I  did not “understand pain” that is not visible (such as a scar, a cut, or something that showed blood), as I was too young to describe that type of pain that came and went, was sharp, then dull (all depending on how I was standing or walking). My doctors and specialists today are, just like with my autism, absolutely stunned no parent or guardian cared enough to have me tested for either. It boggles their/and my mind.  But it is truly the story of my life. It is very easily proven (one cannot “catch” vanus or autism, they are only born with it); end of story. No need for debate. Two of the state’s top experts made the assessments and diagnosis.

In my 60 years with it, it never occurred to me that I had it until Lee asked me why I walked and stood up funny. I didn’t have a clue.  We were at a limb and brace company, getting an elastic brace for my arm (tendonitis..also quite painful), and she saw the foot chart on the wall, pointed it out, showed the worker, who said, “Yes, surely looks like it.  See your doctor”.  That’s just what I did, who referred me to a specialist who xrayed it, and guess what?

Vanus and a very bad case at that.  Orthordic inserts almost immediately started the healing process, and I could even hike again. Though somewhat painful on some days, I can feel the orthodics grabbing all my joints, bones, etc and pulling them back into shape. Some days walking and standing feels “almost normal”.   It is amazing (and sad) to think my parents didn’t know or care enough to even have them checked knowing it was/is congenital and my father was born with it and had it all his life.  Again, fixing that did not play into the scapegoat child model.

Had they not worked, it would have put me in a terrible catch-22 in that my cardiologist demands that I get some exercise, and given that I like to hike with Lee and nature seems to have its own healing properties, I would have had to give up my favorite avocation.  Lee’s even teaching me photography (and she’s really the master of nature/wildlife photography).  Hiking and photography has added a whole new dimension to my life.  Of course I love writing cartoons so take my “genius pad and pen” with me (as my 1st writing teacher used to call them), and often find ideas just coming to me from the universe without my even trying to force them.  Something magic happens out there.

The pain aftershock was beyond belief. After 15 years of loving running, doctors suggested I stop running.  They didn’t have to make me stop, I knew how much damage I had done. The local doctor said my feet were nothing more than a “bag of bones” that I was dragging around when I hiked or walked.  Fortunately orthodic inserts have begun the healing process 60 years later.  Again a big applause for negligence NPD parents.  When I tell you they do not want their scapegoat to be healthy and strong, it is not sour grapes.  It is the tell-tale sign of NPD disorder parents, a type of sociopathic behavior that is very difficult to treat.   That is not “me talking”. That is from all the psychological textbooks in the study of psychology and psychiatry.

So I continued with life the best I knew how.  No advice, no mentoring, just instincts.

Regarding the autism/Asperger’s,   My wife Lee first noticed some of the “little rituals” such as “eye blinking”, “hand flapping”, etc.  Though not always as noticeable as Michael J. Fox, but sometimes even more so, it came as a surprise to me. At first it confused Lee. Now we both laugh about it, given that we know what it is.  I have scraped a large “artistic mural” with my fingernail by our bedside.  This at first bothered her.  Now she looks at it as a “work of art”. It is one of the many “little rituals” that my body does that it “simply does”.  I cannot help it. It is a part of my autism. Back to the attic bedroom……

Many will say, “Well they didn’t know much about autism then”, and they would be correct. However, my parents were no dummies and they knew by the time I was age 6  something was very wrong, enough to keep me as hidden (and isolated from my other siblings) as possible.

If I could have been born without such a condition, I gladly would have.  Does it hurt?  Not in the least; that is, unless you want to talk about the bigots, the ignorant and the haters who run from me or project their evil behavior or whatever it is that floats their boat…makes them feel mighty and powerful.

In addition, I was struggling with being the scapegoat child in an NPD family.  The last thing people with NPD disorder should ever have is children, (unless they have years of intense psychotherapy first). My parents had three (children).

Generally NPDs are infallible, and they do something called “triangulation” with their children, that is, talk/gossip about the other children to one, and then go to the others and gossip and make up stories about the first one.  They create a scapegoat child, often a lost child and a golden child, in cases of 3 children (such as my family).  Sometimes the roles overlap. But the children have no choice to play the NPD parent’s nefarious game, or run away.

It’s hard to run away when you are five or even ten (especially when you have autism or Aspergers).  The NPD model can be created with more (or less children) but three seems to be ideal.  At least it was for my parents.

Of course the scapegoat child can “do no right”, the “golden child” can do no wrong” and the lost child is often a bit confused and often leaves never or rarely to return to his/her hometown. Sometimes the roles overlap depending on the situation, but in the long run they remain the same.

There is much more to NPD Disorder but, not being a psychologist, I can only purvey my experience as a victim of it (as the scapegoat child).  There are countless articles on google.  Perhaps one of the easiest to understand is one I found in “Psychology Today”.

Keep in mind, just because the scapegoat in an NPD unit sees “more trouble” than the others, does not mean the others walked away “unbruised”, anything but.  Remember, they too were manipulated to meet their/our parents needs and played their roles well.  Hopefully, they too, got the therapy they need and deserve. They were used, dupes if you will, and thought they were “in on some big secret”, or “in some inner circle”.  They were not. It’s a very sad way to live and is usually repeated the next generation, and the next, and next until hopefully a conscience whistle-blower says “STOP THE INSANITY”. and get massive network (and if need be governmental support) if harassed. And that is exactly what I did.

Nobody needs to go through life only knowing the manipulations of NPD parents.  Love is nothing like NPD manipulation.  And love is worthwhile and my prayer is that everyone gets to experience it.

Please don’t get me wrong. I made plenty of errors and was far from the “perfect child”.  But the more one studies, the more one realizes most of my behavior was simply “acting out” what narcissistic parents were programming me to do, so they could be “victims” of this terrible child. And of course the community “bought it” (perfect parents/demon child).  Who is going to believe a 6 year old autistic crying child hidden away in an attic vs his already established 30 year old parents, icons of the community?  The difference between me, and the now living next generation of narcissists (and their minions/flying monkeys who spread the gossip and lies about Rick) is that I KNOW I was not perfect.  Until this day, they are not sure who/what they are; and sadly, why they do what they do. They don’t have a clue that their anger is not directed at me, but at the very people who really abused them.  It’s insidious. It’s sad, but it happens all the time and some of the brightest people fall for it, or sell their souls for it (for a condo, or a family business) or you name the item.

Do you have “flying monkeys” in your life?  They can be around long after your narcissistic parent(s) are deceased.  They keep the rumors/lies alive about you.  And they never stop unless they find out it can truly damage their lives.  The very destructive ones continue nevetheless until the law makes them stop (or puts them away).

Though I hear often of the “flying monkeys” in my hometown from third parties (most related to me or married to ones related to me), the last one who really tried to do some damage in my local hometown was/is an 80 something year old cousin living in Houston, Tx. He’d contacted some local businessmen whom I know and made up some odd lies and wouldn’t leave them alone. He was determined to “put me on the street” or whatever insanity was in his mind. I immediately contacted the ADA (Americans With Disabilities Act) and the “flying monkey” was suddenly silent. I do not know if they silenced him or if my local businessmen friends asked him to leave them alone and if he had a fight, to take it up with me.

What they didn’t know is that all “flying monkeys” are cowards, very much so, and are not likely to do so. Especially knowing what the scapegoat has experienced.  The scapegoat is much, much stronger than the lost child or golden child and can withstand situations the others could never imagine.  Plus now this scapegoat knows just where to go if it ever happens again.  The game of pin-the-tail on the scapegoat is long over, and if someone tries to play it again, they get to see this time what the consequences is, and to be fair, I don’t think they could endure it.  Seriously, I don’t. And of course I wouldn’t want them to endure it. After all, they’ve been injured as well (and don’t know it) but it would then be out of my hands; hence I’m in great hopes they know to do the right thing. Time will tell.

Conveniently missing from our “family history” is the fact that our home at 104 Mandalay burned nearly to the ground after the landscaper left the cap off his lawn mower and put it next to the hot water heater in the storage shed.  My parents were at a cocktail party and the maid/babysitter had locked herself out after smelling smoke and ringing the doorbell. The reason I remembered it was on a Thursday night about 7:40pm CST is that I was watching my favorite show “The Munsters”. Herman Munster was playing the piano so badly it caught on fire.  Meantime smoke was coming from my closet door in the attic. I remember thinking “How cool. 3d TV” or something similarly.

Then I realized this was a real fire. My older sister was in the bathroom taking a bath. I pounded on the door to alert her of the fire. She thought I was joking as I tended to be a practical joker (to cope) but I was not. She finally believed me after I knocked nonstop for about 10 minutes. I was not sure what to do, as I didn’t know, at first it was the maid (who had locked herself out investigating what turned out to be a fire in the storage shed…by now quickly spreading across the entire home).

I made sure my sister understood I was being sincere and exited the house.  My younger (5 year old) brother sat paralyzed in fear on the couch in the den. I grabbed him by the arm as smoke billowed throughout the house and next door to the Ward’s house (Frostop).  Fortunately Dick Ward (we called him Dick then, he is Richard Ward now) was there to make sure Andy was safe.  Fortunately he is still alive and can verify my fire story.  So can the Hattiesburg Fire & Police Departments as I think they keep things like that on record. I also stayed in the house and called the fire department until I was sure my siblings were safe.

So, though never really given credit, we have Richard Ward (after I was able to get Andy out of the burning home and to the Ward’s home) to keep him there and safe, and from wandering back into our burning home.  He stayed safe at the Ward’s until my parent’s returned.  Rather late, but thank you Richard.  I never (until this day) received a “thank you” from either of my siblings.  They simply returned to their roles of “flying monkeys” where they have remained stagnant all these years.  They have recruited many others; some (it has made the physically ill) and have revealed to me some of the insane lies, but at least they started me on my venture to find out exactly what was happening and why.

And though something like NPD disorder in parents cannot be explained with logic, it does show that even the most “reliable familiar” icons of any community can be very ill when out of the limelight.  Beyond ill.  Ill enough to make Joan Crawford look good.   This kind of behavior goes way beyond child abuse.  It is lifetime abuse. It is the undermining of every single project they were able to undermine. It is sick beyond sick.  And sadly, it is much more commonplace than on my block. That is why I am writing this. Not for revenge.  A blog is hardly revenge.  It is to help others recognize it and escape it if they find themselves in it, or even find themselves duped as a flying monkey.  It’s never too late to escape those roles, and it is so necessary for anyone’s sanity.

The 104 Mandalay house fire was a tragedy and we lost just about everything.

This incident was talked about often after it happened for several months and suddenly stopped as if it never happened. I thought that was just the way things happened at the time. Now I know my parents were scurrying for ways to put “Rick’s role back from hero/golden to scapegoat” and, at only age 11 or so, I was more than willing to play along. After all, didn’t all parents love their children unconditionally, or at least conditionally?   Not necessarily.

A strange thing happened though.  Keep in mind I was only age about 11 years old,  I hadn’t a clue I had autism then, nor that I was in a dysfunctional home.  All of a sudden my “role” went from “scapegoat child” to “hero child”.  For nearly a week, I could do no wrong.  It felt very strange, and frankly I didn’t like the role or all the positive attention.  I didn’t realize why, but I was only used to negative attention (even when I was doing positive things).

But this positive thing was on city and county record so my parents must have been beside themselves. No berating or criticizing Rick (though the majority of that was done covertly anyway except for the family-gossip-broadcasts). They knew they must at least make a public showing of how great I was for saving my sibling’s lives (which is what they kept telling me I did). They couldn’t stop “holding meetings with me and telling me how proud they were of me”, so often that it didn’t feel real. Of course now I know it wasn’t real in the least. It messed up their whole model of “scapegoat/demon child” who was making “their lives impossible”.

But it didn’t last long.  The criticism and berating came back as fast as they left.  It at least felt comfortable again, as it was familiar.

Since perfection/ambiance is so important in an NPD family, it was decided that I did not have autism (or whatever they thought it was).  They decided not to have it tested (or me tested for any such disorders, though certainly they knew something was amiss, hence the isolation in the attic),  and instead began their “isolation process”.

I am not showing a photo of our first home as it had no attic and I don’t remember it well.  It is where Bob Wilson later lived and also AAA Ambulance Service was on S. 28th Ave. behind the Highway Patrol.  All I remember from there is hanging upside down in the back yard on mimosa tree limbs and playing with insects. I lived there from age 3 days to 5.5 years old.

Then my maternal grandfather, Marcus London, developed the first subdivision west of the Forrest General Hospital, “Hillendale” in 1960.

We lived in two homes from the time I was 5 to age 17, one was at 109 Mandalay Dr. (1960-1963) and the other at 104 Mandalay Dr.  (1963-1971). At age 17, my parents divorced and instead of living with either of them, my father purchased a trailer and rented it to me while still a senior in high school. In other words I was abandoned/orphaned physicallyat age 17, though of course technically, emotionally, I was abandoned the day I was born. I was often told I was an ugly baby; that I looked like “Andy Gump”. I didn’t know who Andy Gump was, but later discovered he was a character actor who played “the ugly guy in movies”.  They all laughed upon saying it. I didn’t get why that was funny. Now I know it was all part of the abuse.

mandalay 109small

Above is our 2nd home, but our first home in Hillendale.  The address was 109 Mandalay Dr was our home from 1960-1963. If you look in the center of the home on the roof, you will see a gable. That gable has no windows and it is the back side of my attic bedroom. My windows only opened via “slits” and a turn nob. Nobody could see me.  It faced high hedges in the back yards.  Even residents in the homes behind us couldn’t see me (usually crying) in the attic bedroom due to the high hedges. Those high hedges were “very important” to keep that NPD scheme alive.

 My few playmates thought it was a “cool room”.  Even though I cried for most of that period, I was finally convinced it was “a cool room that any child my age would want” and of course I believed it.  It turned out to be a very common method of “scapegoat child isolation” to keep that child apart from the other siblings. Though the house does not look massive, it is. There is an “L” on the right side and the master and other childrens bedrooms are far away from the attic bedroom. I was unable to hear them, even when their voices were loud. I was petrified during those years.  But did not know I had rights (such as calling social services etc). Today if that happened, the parents would be incarcerated and the child to a safe orphanage or other adoptable home free of NPD parents).  The house still stands and one can drive by and see the “isolated attic in the back”…or the gable of the back of my old bedroom from the front. 

mandalay 104small

mandalay full size

Above you are seeing an aerial view of our next home 104 Mandalay Dr. I remember hearing my father alert us he was building it and we were moving.  By then my younger brother was born. I was so relieved, feeling they had come to their senses and I would be living with the rest of the family. Not the case.  The home was much larger…and so was my new attic bedroom. The red “balloon shows the roof”. Slightly to the right of that you see a white bedroom built into the roof with blue shingles on top, and white wood siding.  It also faces the back, not the front, directly facing high hedges in back of our home.  Another home and those high hedges blocked it from S. 28th Ave (and blocked from the back of the homes on that street behind our home). In other words, once again, nobody could see me from the outside; even with the windows and drapes open.

Again I cried and acted out, but still did not know I had any rights.  So I stayed as the scapegoat who absorbed all the family’s issues, and lived there until age 17 when I was put into a trailer with other wayward kids only to get into trouble as I hadn’t a clue what I was supposed to do, which is perfect for a scapegoat child to do (it means he/she’s been properly programmed by his NPD parents).  As scared as I was in the trailer with no skills or worldly knowledge, it was better than my “torturous hidden attic bedrooms”.  I could see people and the street from my trailer window.

It is easy to show a house with an attic roof that was my bedroom.  But it doesn’t give you the full story (as a neighbor would have seen it).  So I remembered I occasionally chat to an old neighbor on facebook. I asked her on facebook in private message if she remembered my attic bedroom (I sort of doubted she would have given that she was only five when she and her family moved into the neighborhood).  Here was her reply.  (She said she didn’t mind at all if I used her full name and even showed her photo). I decided it best to block out most her face and name, knowing the type destructive damage the “flying monkeys” are willing to do to make it seem “Rick was bad and they were victimized”, but you can see her message.  It even looked very sad to her.  I can only imagine how it appeared to a young girl age 5 from a loving family.

mandalay conniesmall 2

After failing college several times, I was “taken back in” to have a roof over my head sporadically in my 20s and even 30s at times, but I had no workable skills of which to speak.  I tried school a few times to no avail.  I had been too busy simply learning to survive at poverty level (when I was lucky).  Anyone who understands undiagnosed autism, knows this is analogous to a child living in a country who doesn’t speak the language. Another good analogy is a southpaw with his left hand tied behind his back forced to be right-handed.  In other words it was torture that never ended.  In between the pain, I spent countless hours in the library, and later on the Internet to learn as many skills as possible.

My dad said, “I have an opportunity for you. You study and get a real estate license and you’ve got a job selling residential real estate forever for me”.  I passed the test after 3 tries and sold homes in his residential division which he had planned to close for about a year. It was on commission only which mean starving at best.

When my brother came to work for him several years later he was immediately put in charge of the commercial division for a very large salary and given a title.  He later took it over.

When one thinks of my dad, they think of equality and fairness.  (I hope you can see I am being facetious).  I did not expect the same level of career, but slavery vs wealth is not quite what a healthy parent does either.  I worked very hard when I worked for him.  I dressed in a suit. I got to work early. I left late. I made calls.  I had no idea I was a hated scapegoat child  “at war with an NPD” parent.   I know now.

Waterboarding is horrendous but abandoning an autistic child who is also the scapegoat of NPD parents is nonstop torture for many years. Not to underplay such torture which is hideous, it does end.  Setting free an un-diagnosed autistic scapegoat child into the world makes waterboarding look like child’s play.  It never ends. The pain and total confusion is a daily minute by minute experience.  The years of experience tells the victim it is not going to end either.  I am going to keep my opinion of the perpetrators to myself, and allow you to make a judgement call.

The only phrase that comes to my mind is “Extremely cruel and unusual punishment”.  The living siblings and some relatives and their friends continue to attempt to perpetrate it.  Word does get back to me.  God help them in their illness; though my case has proven it is never too late to get well, or at least get on the right track to freedom from that kind of bondage.  Yes they were harmed too, badly.  They were simply given “balm” or material things to make it seem they weren’t.  Most of them are old (and hopefully wise enough) now to know that is what that was.

Thank God some insightful lawmakers have now made it impossible to hurt me anymore. That does not mean they do not still try. Word does get back to me. No not my parents but numerous relatives and friends tell me. Now the DOJ (of which the Americans With Disabilities is a part) is monitoring my case, and they seem to have a special interest, and, I believe will make certain no more damage is done to me, no more needless pain is caused.

The rumors will continue to fly, most likely back home.  From what all the articles read about NDP parents, their “flying monkeys”, usually other siblings, mutual friends etc., stay forever. Their lies and badmouthing are very much a part of their persona and they wear it as a fashion statement. And remember, now the “golden child” is an adult, and without a “scapegoat”, the adult “golden child” feels very uncomfortable and usually cannot stand.

That part I understand and they have my prayers.  Meantime, I’ve worked steadily on my cartoons which have lured 8.8+ million fans to my website.  Many of them have become real friends.  My wife who I love is also my real friend, and we have real friends who hike on our same trails.  None of them care about hometown/tiny minded rumors 500 miles away, and when it occasionally leaks to our locale, they toss it out and take it with a grain of sand.  They know the real me, and most tell me how sad they feel of that experience and even more so of the people behind it.

I tell them not to, and I mean it.  Had that experience not happened to me, had I been treated fairly or even humanely, I would have never moved to paradise (rural Arkansas), never would have met my beloved wife Lee, and never would have launched Londons Times Cartoons.  So I really have “the  bad guys” to thank for those blessed events (though I’m sure that was not their motive) but you know these things happen, and I do hope (not being facetious) that good things happened for them too.

This is not the type of story I like to write.  The story does not define me, in fact today it is only a historical part of me.

Today I have a loving wife, I live in paradise and hike the Ouachita Mountains app. 3 times a week with my talented nature/wildlife photography wife, we’re vegans and we live a healthy lifestyle, nothing like what I was taught in my youth. It doesn’t even resemble it a little.  We are inclusive to others who were born with disabilities, etc.

I returned to a very good private college at age 49, just one year after my first major heart attack, and finished about 3 years (before having more surgeries and yet more heart issues).  I still plan to finish, and will.

Which brings me back to accepting gay rights.  Gays are born gay. No matter what ones philosophical or religious feelings might be of gays, we can all agree that gays are born gay. It is not a choice.  Children with autism are born with autism.

There is no fixing either.  Hiding an autistic child away in an attic did not make him (me) less autistic. Had they been healthy parents, I would have most likely gotten proper assistance and “autistic education” which is quite a bit different than regular education which I found quite boring.  I am what they consider “high functioning” hence I most likely would have been put in a gifted class throughout school.

But it was not to be.  I have no regrets and I don’t feel sorry for myself in the least.  Look at the life I’ve gotten to live due to my autism/and Asperger’s and am living now. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Now that I know my rights, and am plugged into the ADA/DOJ (who knows my entire story), it will be more difficult now to do more harm and if tried, I can fight back.  It doesn’t hurt to also be plugged into two of the largest autism/Asperger’s sites worldwide, full of lawyers (many of whom have suffered the same/or similar fate as I did.  That feels comforting  and actually is comforting.

So now if the leftover “minions” or “flying monkeys” cast aspersions at their own risk and a very big-risk it is. That means a whole lifestyle/behavior modification for most of them.   Even given the risk-taker I have been in my life, I wouldn’t take a risk like that for anything in the world.  And the smart ones are finding new hobbies (other than “lies about Rick”, I’m told).

So, I learned (the hard, painful way) that autism cannot be prayed away, modified away via behavior modification, hidden in an attic away etc.

Now I realize what many gays have experienced. I learned that they, too, often suffered from “parental manipulation” or “behavior modification” from parents or teachers or friends or whomever, who decided it was there duty to make sure they “fixed them”.  The only people who needed fixing were the ones trying to do the fixing aka “the haters”.   Gays are born exactly as they are supposed to be.  There is nothing to fix.  That is abuse. That is a crime.

Whether a gay child has NPD parents or simply bad parents, if they get it in their mind that that child needs fixing, and tries, that is child abuse of the worse kind.  Think about that, parents, if you happen to have a gay child. He/she is fine just as he/she is, and should be celebrated, not changed or even “just tolerated”.  Parents should be proud and supportive of that child.  The same is true of autism. Or any disability with which one is born. Any behavior otherwise is beyond sinful.

Please note many have good and even great parents, and they do not suffer the needless abuse to try to “fix them”.  The same is true of so many children with autism and/or Asperger’s.

Meanwhile Lee and I will always be supportive of all people, however they are born.  We will never “try to fix them” or support anyone “trying to fix them” whether they be gay, straight, male, female, autistic, Aspie-ish, slow, fast, fat, slim, or you name it.

The God to which we pray doesn’t make mistakes. We believe everyone is perfect just as they are. He knows what he’s doing, believe it or not.

Londons Times Cartoons “Unfinished Business From College”

november 999 kneeds small

I actually enjoy when people ask “What made you think of that cartoon?” I don’t always know (or even remember as 17 years and 4500 cartoons, I can’t remember every little spark in my poor brain). But occasionally I can (remember the impetus that sparked it), and this is one of those cartoons.

I’ll be the first to admit (okay maybe the last; my former professors will be the first) to admit, I was not a great student.

Ironically in some of the classes I loved the most, I made the worse grades, and the ones I loved the least, I sometimes aced. This behavior followed me far into adulthood; even upon returning to college at age 48; where I aced advanced math, and did dismally in English. Go figure.

But what stumps me the most, still, is that at institutes of higher learning, something happened to me, and I wonder if it did to others as well.

And that was “unfinished business”. I’m not talking about fast-track romance and fast cars, and strange spring breaks waking up somewhere in the panhandle of Florida.

I mean thoroughly studying a topic, and walking away feeling I had less knowledge about it than when I first approached it.

One of those incidents was trying to learn Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs.
He pretty much summed it up on a pyramid.

maslow-pyramid

Sure, as a generalization, Maslow is right on target. But take it a step further and on any given day all of mine can change. I pointed this out to the professor who (by the way hated questions of which he didn’t have answers hence added me to his hate list).

Maslow was not my only “unfinished business of academia”. I “learned” a lot of things that, last I remembered, someone else was doing (and doing a lot better than me).

Hence, I’ve taken Dr. Maslow to another realm; the realm of baking. I love good baked food and my wife Lee is one of the best bakers on the planet. She makes an art of most things for which she has a passion. And upon eating her challah, my kneeds are met.

Just Say No To Life Coaches & Just Do It & Other Roads To Happiness by Rick London

Another year has just about ended, and I feel good, even though I feel bad too (I will explain that in a moment).

Lee and I were watching a Netflix Pixar animated film the other night and I ran straight to bed and didn’t get up until the next day. That was 6 days ago and I’m just starting to feel better. I won’t go into the torrid details, but let’s just say they were mostly “toilet details”. Not so great.

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The weather has been cold and damp. And then there’s the tummy ache (not too long after recovering from tooth surgery). I’ve not been able to hike (or even do Tai Chi).

So its during times like this that I slow way down and be grateful. So how do you be grateful? This is not a one size fits all “be grateful” world, I have found. I may be grateful about one thing, that would make someone else bored, and vice versa.

Not long ago, I learned from men and women much wiser than me, that a lot of being grateful is taking action doing what I love doing. For many, I know, that is easier said than done. Many my age, or older, or younger, have never “done” what they love to do, and have acquiesced to the fact that it “ain’t gonna happen”. Either a well-meaning parent forced them to major in business when they were more cut out for creative writing, Maybe they set up their own obstacles. Maybe they looked at peers who were “already legends” and said to themselves “no way”. There are a million excuses and I bet I’ve used 999,999,999 of them. What’s my excuse for not using a million? I couldn’t think of the last one. 🙂

But doing what one loves to do does not necessarily mean “your career”, though of course its nice(r) if that be the case. Kafka was an insurance clerk while he authored his books. In other words if one starts where they are, rather than trying to conquer the world the first week, month or even year (though it could happen), and stop worrying about what others think of “their new hobby” or whatever one wants to call what he/she is learning, then one is well on the right path.

If there is not enough information on the Internet on how to launch and run whatever venture in mind, there are always Internet classes (or local college classes); I took Internet classes at a real accredited four-year college and was very pleased with how pragmatic the education was. That was not the case in my earlier years of college at state universities. It was not all their fault. I was a late-bloomer; after years of being a blooming idiot.

Can’t afford college? There are plenty of grants, scholarships and loans for adults returning. That’s how I did it. But academia is not for everyone. There’s mentorships. A lot of well-trained professionals will take you on if your story is convincing and you only ask for a little of their time.

Most books in libraries are now online, and there are plenty of used books for pennies on the dollar at Amazon and other online bookstores.

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Our generation was flooded with clichés’ which meant well, but didn’t tell the whole story. “Just say no” and “Just do it” were but a few. Both were easy to repeat, but for many they were not so many upon which to take action.

I think they should have been written more like, “Just say no to drugs, alcohol and/or promiscuous sex. It will not always be easy. There will almost always be peer pressure and the need to fit in. This is only a temporary situation. In the long run, if you say “No” to these powerful negative forces which can impact your life forever, you will be forever grateful and happy that you “Just Said No”. I think kids and even adults could much more have easily understood those steps.

I would have written Nike’s “Just Do It” to “Just Do It A Step At A Time. Don’t jump into anything without knowing what it is. If you are planning to run, don’t run a marathon the first day. Learn how to train for a marathon first. If you are starting a business, learn a bit about it. Don’t worry about the results. In fact don’t worry about anything. Just do what you have learned and if that doesn’t work, learn another way to do it. The information is out there. And now with the Internet, it is out there at the click of a mouse. If you “Just Do It”, you’ll be happy doing it. But if you’re always focused on the finished line, you’ll forever be sad”. Of course Nike would never be able to fit that into an ad, nor would the ad be feasible.

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I ran two marathons in the late 1970’s. On the 1st one, I was focused on the finish line. I barely finished. It took 4.5 hours and over 2 months to fully recover. The next year I trained the same way, focused on the scenery and other runners and had fun, finished in a little less than four hours, and less than a week to recover.

I find the same is true of anything in life. And if you can do whatever it is you want to do with a friend, its that much more fun. I am fortunate that my wife Lee Hiller is my best friend and I love her dearly. Though are businesses are not identical, much of the way we create our products and market them are the same. We are both nature/wildlife lovers so we both have yet more fun while she’s working in the forest (with her camera) and I’m running around like a kid chasing animals. We teach and learn from each other on a lot of topics.

Today there’s a new breed of snake-oil salespersons known as “life coaches”.  They charge anywhere from several hundred to thousands for their videos, audios and ebooks, claiming to have “the answer to life”. Trust me.  They don’t.   They generally steal, edit, and regurgitate great quotes from the early literary and philosophical masters and take credit.  Some are so brazen, they don’t even edit and still take credit. In any case Wordsworth negated everything they do before they even existed with his famous quote, “To begin, begin”.  It’s really no more complicated than that, and don’t let anyone tell you it is. It’s simply NOT.

If “doing what you love” at mid-life can happen to us at mid-life, it can and will happen to you. Simply start where you are and “Just do it…but remember….first you…etc etc then you etc etc” 🙂 and enjoy! The best is yet to come.

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I’m a goofy vegan mountain man trying to do the right thing and occasionally I hit the mark; more often I don’t.  I love my wife nature/wildlife photographer Lee Hiller London who  creates the blog Hike Our Planet.  I enjoy cartoons, and founded Londons Times Offbeat Cartoons & Funny Gifts which have been Google’s #1 ranked on the Internet since 2005. I like to design clothing and shoes and do so at Wisdom Shop which has gifts with famous wisdom quotes and Shoes That Amuse, which has shoes and gifts with famous love quotes.  Oh, and I recently opened a shop with a lot of famous caricature cartoon gifts and clothes called The Rick London Fame Shop.  If you shop with me, happy shopping.  Every one of our 1/4 million items are vegan-friendly and come with a 100% 30 day money back guarantee.