Why Some Parents Create Identified Patients (Scapegoats/Blacksheep) As A Necessity

(Part of this blog repeats a bit of some past blogs (but has to to tell the story correctly). If so, and you’ve read that part, my apologies. Please gloss over that part and get to the new stuff).  Thanks.  Rick

Fifty years ago last week, I saved the lives of my brother Andy Stetelman and sister Carol Stetelman-Abshire from a raging fire that destroyed our home.  It had started from a lawn mower gas tank that the landscaper left with the cap open next to the hot water heater in the storage room.  My parents were at a cocktail party at the Fine’s house.  It was 6:40 (give or take a few moments) CST on a Thursday night, October 1965.                                   npd trauma 1

 

The maid/baby sitter had locked herself out of the house and was repeatedly ringing the doorbell.  My six year old brother Andy was paralyzed with fear crying on the couch in the den on the west side of the house closest to the front door.   My sister Carol was in the hall bathroom taking a shower.

My 11 year old aspie mind assessed the situation. I could see it was bad and about to get much worse.  First I ran to the beige dial-up phone under the stairs next to the bridge table and called the fire department which was on a yellow sticker on the phone. There was no 911 in 1965.

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I then knocked loudly on the hallway bathroom door to alert my sister who didn’t believe me (at first) but as smoked filled the house, she did and left through the front door.

I then pulled Andy next door to Richard Ward’s house who generously kept him calm there and safe so he wouldn’t re-enter the burning home.

For two weeks I had the role of “hero child”.  It felt awkward as I was not used to positive attention from my parents or family.

How do I remember these lucid details such as times, days of the week etc?  I actually remember much more of that night but no room to include.  Some people afflicted with autism/Asperger’s can remember details of situations as far back as 2 years old, some even further. I remember a lot of milestone details as far back as age four.  The fire is one of them.  I even remember how long it took for the fire department to get there after I called. I remember being nervous and twice having to hang up the phone as I could not dial the number correctly.  I remember how the smoke bellowed from my closet door as the Munsters played on tv.  That was 50 years ago. I was 11.

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Then I was told never again to mention what I had done and they were back to treating me as “the core of all the problems they ever had”.  My father mumbled something about humility and that was the end of the story.  I thought he was doing me a favor, teaching me social skills; but if asked about the events of the fire, which I often was, I simply told people, “I don’t talk about that anymore”.

It ruined my bedroom as well which was in an isolated attic away from the family. For all my childhood, I thought living in an isolated attic was normal. It was not. It was very sick, and often done with disabled children who “don’t fit the family lineage”.

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I don’t bring up this dark time in my life to get a pat on the back or receive the tag of “hero”.  That, of course, is not what I am/was at all.  Any brother or sister, I believe would do everything possible to get their sibling(s) out of harm’s way.

The reason for writing about that event, is what was to follow.  The “erasing of Rick”.  It was already happening, I simply was not aware.  I was an undiagnosed autistic child, barely making it in the world, and punished severely for my behavior.

Joe and Rose Kennedy did this with Rosemary with a lobotomy and an isolated cottage in an institution that Joe had built.  On a much smaller scale, that was basically what was being done to me.  In both instances, lies were manufactured so the public would be assured they were being protected from this “accidental monster they’d created”. My family did it to me on a much smaller scale; but with just as little class as Joe Kennedy. Not much.

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In medical/psychological terms, they were creating the “Identified Patient”.  In street terms, the black sheep or scapegoat.  Scapegoats don’t just “happen”, they are created and for a very specific reason (click on link below for article explaining).

Why would any parent do that?  Narcissistic abuse follows one way into adulthood. Siblings and their friends begin to “believe the lies” as to face the truth would make them fall apart, literally.

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I’ve decided this family secret has officially ended.  Whoever believes me or not is immaterial.  I now know what happened and it has been confirmed by some extremely knowledgeable people in the medical community.  And now, of course there are articles and stories all over the media with the Kennedy story being leaked all at the same time.

I am in the process of writing a book, and soon thereafter a film.  I’ve set up a strategy that should something happen to me, members of one of my autism communities will finish both.  Also one member owns a very large film studio. So it will happen whether I’m dead, in jail, or unconscious.  My beloved wife Lee and an autistic group will receive the proceeds of both should something happen to me (I also have congestive heart failure) and active “flying monkeys”, now very angry ones.

These stories need to evolve no matter how scary they are, no matter how much they make waves, no matter how much they disrupt the status quo.  For if they don’t the very soul of this great country is gone.  And it is up to us, the citizens of this great country, to set such stories straight.  Not everyone will believe them and that’s fine.  Those of us who have the epiphany of the real truth is what matters. And if it helps one more person or family, it was all worth it all along.

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Excellent Story On Why Parents Scapegoat:    http://bit.ly/1Lo8Q21

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Rick London is a writer, cartoonist and designer.  He is best known for his Google #1 ranked Londons Times Offbeat Cartoons which he launched in 1997 and Rick London Funny Gifts.

Lies, Liars & More Narcissists. Scapegoat Autistic Offspring How To Do Damage Reduction

So how does an undiagnosed autistic child (or adult) figure out the issue is a Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) origin family including past and current flying monkeys  (FM) from those families and/or friends? Again flying monkeys are minions who do the narcissist’s “dirty work” to attack or harm the scapegoat child (even as an adult); sometimes long after the original narcissist(s) are deceased.  It can be carried on by siblings, friends of siblings, even grandmothers and grandfathers, church or synagogue members; whomever the narcissistic can influence and/or bribe/buy that they know the scapegoat cannot, as they generally do all they can to keep the scapegoat in poverty as long as they can (yet another form of narcissistic parental control).

npd 12 scapegoat rspons One place to start is to think like the criminals they are.  This is not easy for the scapegoat child as he/she is taught never ever to lie.  (What we’re not told is they will do the lying for us, and make sure we are put in situations that make us appear to be the liars).

And I don’t mean to suggest you lie or be a criminal. Just be prepared to ask tough questions to the people from your past you’ve decided to allow into your current life; Ask questions and be silent. You may want to allow none of them contact with you and that is fine.  There are plenty of new communities full of much healthier people willing to offer support.

But, if you decide to give some of the old flying monkeys mercy, learn what some of the FMs who might not be in the FM inner core are hearing from their narcissists on the NPD spectrum.  Then double check it to make sure you heard it right.  It is usually a lie, and often a lie that can be proven (now with the Internet one can get public records (even from a half century ago) with a credit or debit card and the flick of a mouse; not good news for the habitual flying monkeys who are addicted to that lying process (and most are).

From the start, let me make something clear that is so important.  Never ever ask or demand that someone “be on your side” and believe you only.  Jung talked about this.  First it doesn’t work. Second it puts you at the same very low level as the narcissists and their FMs, a place you very much don’t want to be.  Then “they’ve won” in that they’ve brought you down to their level.  Stick with the facts.  If someone shows an interest, show them the evidence. Still, no demands to be on your side “in this fight”.  It’s not a fight.  It is “getting your life back” which is the only battle.  Those people who were once relatives, friends, associates or whatever, are just sad, sick people of the past that hurt you, and possibly tried to do worse.  They didn’t succeed. Now it’s your turn.

Your turn for what?  Not revenge, at least not in the sense that people think of revenge. Don’t ever let them draw you into an argument or debate.  If they try, they are bullying you and that info should go straight to the ADA. I’ve given info on how to contact the Americans With Disabilities Act, and if anyone tries to hurt you now, you have their help.

Success is going to be your revenge.  It may or may not be money.  But it absolutely will be to break the bonds of lies and aspersions that they cast many years ago.  You will be free of those.  And whether you accumulate wealth, or not, there is no greater success than being free of those bonds, and having “the good guys” on your side who are actually in place to protect you.  Is that not success?  You’ve already won the major battle.  Now to build your life the way you’d planned to build it many years ago but were bullied, scapegoated and undermined so that it was assured not to happen.   The perpetrators may have been people to whom you looked up and admired.  They did not deserve that.  They were sick, ugly horrible people, not worthy of your time or attention.

This is the “year of you”.  Let’s build you the way you always wanted to be; even better if you wish.  It is possible at any age. One day in the future, if you deem appropriate, you can forgive them. You can right now if you wish, but it’s not likely to be sincere. You are in the early stages of recovery from what many call “soul murder”.  It is a crime often compared to murder (or rape).  It is definitely child abuse, and it often turns into adult abuse.  Usually the perpetrator(s) are long gone/dead but offspring and their own social/business circles continue the sociopathy.  Now there’s help. Much help.

The scapegoat child (even as an adult)’s fate used to be sealed.  His/her reputation was tarnished before he/she even knew he was “at war” or “in a battle with his family. I, of course, felt really dumb.  But I hadn’t a clue narcissistic parents do everything possible to isolate the chosen “scapegoat child” from its siblings as early as possible.  And who could imagine parents would set up a child to fail (and undermine them if they didn’t) so that they could appear victims of an out-of-control offspring?

Remember, the Internet is your friend.  Now you can check and double check these lies, many times with city and/or county records.  Google “Find County Records” or “Find City Records”.  It often costs about $20 a month to use these services but if you are writing a book or film that requires accuracy and honesty, it is pertinent and well worth the investment.  Or even if you just want to know for yourself (if any of them are true or not, a month or two subscription to such a service can offer empowerment and great peace of mind).  It certainly has for me.

The Flying Monkeys stories can no longer take flight; or only the unwired, those who are on the fringe and quite naive would believe some of the garbage from that kind of drek’s mouths.  They are passe’, archaic, and has-beens.  Most don’t know it, yet; but many are “beginning to get it”.  They are going to have to learn to “make it” on their own, without the abuse of disabled people.  It will be tough for many of them, but they really have no choice (according to the ADA) Americans With Disabilities Act.

Though my own parents knew there was something very amiss with me, they never had me tested for any type of condition or disorder.  It turned out to be autism and Asperger’s (as I have written), and, as I have written, I was hidden away in an “attic bedroom” far away from my other siblings for nearly 12 years of my life (age 6-17).  Job done. Same as solitary confinement (In an autistic child’s mind).   But I didn’t even know such a family dysfunction even existed until age 60.  So where’s the justice? npd autism 66666666666666666666666666666 T

That nightmare existed from age six until age 17 when I was totally/physically abandoned for numerous years until I was so near-death, even the worst dregs of the earth couldn’t not take me back in (I was only taken back in for short periods of time until I could find yet another dead-end nothing job to keep me going as long as possible). It was a gift of God that I had creative and entrepreneurial skills, discovered late in life, that allowed me to build popular businesses from nothing. No money, never more than a few hundred dollars.  So I was “allowed” freedom as an adult as long as I could keep those businesses going. Being a scapegoat child with autism, that was often not very long. npd 2 pretense So, start with a third party, a mutual friend of both “sides of the aisle” who you trust. Ask them a question about yourself, maybe based on a rumor about yourself  you’ve heard elsewhere. The following is just one of several hundred I have on file that have gotten back to me. It is the “But your dad opened that beautiful health food store for you”. When/if you hear the actual lie, ask the friend or relative for a favor.  Ask them if the person who told them the fib might be willing to take a mutual lie-detector test; and then be silent.  If the mutual friend is on the up-and-up, they will usually say (with hesitancy because admittedly it is an odd request) “Sure at least I’ll ask”.

FMs NEVER EVER take lie detectors nor will submit to one even if you, the scapegoat offers to pay for both theirs and yours.  How can they?  Their entire inventory of terror is based on lies. I used to ask that question when such lies got back to me. Now I know the “creator” of such lies never admit they even “knew of them”, much less “created them”.  Occasionally there is a half/or part truth, but that is a rarity, and if there is, it is often nothing they haven’t done themselves, or their friends, or human beings in general. npd flying monkey 2 meme Remember, it is the “big lies” you’re after. The type that can make or break a reputation.  The kind that can make or break a human. The kind that can make or break a spirit. The kind that belongs in best-sellers and top box-office films; and they most certainly will in my case, whether I’m still living or not.  My wife and I have made certain of that as has a very large autism network.

I spoke last month to one of my favorite relatives who, I knew, sadly, was part of the “flying monkey” network.   In her case, it was difficult at best, in that she is married to an attorney who found himself early in life recruited as a FM and they were deep into the FM spectrum before they even reached 40 years old.  They are now in their 80s. npd 3 meme strangers admiration The one thing about this relative is that no matter how much she aged, she was always interested (or so it seemed) in the good and the bad that was happening in my life.  That information seemed to be “our bond”.  She is a tough bird, hence I rarely had trouble telling her much of anything, even the tough parts of my life.  Of course I told these things to Lee (my wife) as well, but by telling unresolved conflicts to an older “trusted” relative, one often gets a perspective that one cannot get from my generation.  Often if I had a problem or conflict, she’d been through something similar and had some sage advice. So I decided to let her know about my definite diagnosis of autism/Asperger’s.  Being from an older generation she asked me where I thought I could have caught it.  She added, “I mean you’ve lived in so many places”. I shook my head and laughed, and told her it was/is congenital, people don’t catch it, one is born with it.  She knew and was very close my parents very well.  She added, “Then how could your parents missed something that big?” npd autism I told her, “That is what we’re trying to find out now.  They also missed vanus, a very severe form of flat feet.” “Rick then surely you caught the vanus somewhere or it was due to injury of all that long distance running, martial arts and hiking.  Maybe cut back on hiking”. I knew this was going to be a difficult conversation. Not knowing yet that I was “the scapegoat child of narcissistic parents (or an ACON), I explained to her that my parents were in their own unresolved battles, and frankly did not have the time to explore everything about me.  They had their “future Realtor of America” and really “Isn’t that all they wanted?”

She always laughed when I said that as she knew that was true. I explained to her that my parents didn’t like me once.  For instance my siblings received nice material inheritances. I added sardonically to my relative, “And I inherited a suitcase”. npd meme 5 ostracism She quipped back quickly, “But your dad did give you that very nice health food store”. There was a long silence (and these long silences gives the scapegoat time to catch his/her breath and realize he/she has caught a flying monkey in a lie). I asked where she heard that (already knowing where she’d heard it as I’d heard it from other mutual friends of my family) and she didn’t answer and changed the subject.

I think I actually surprised her in that, even at her age with her wisdom, she was believing the still-living narcissists. I told her a bank president named Jack T. of the now defunct Bank Of Hattiesburg loaned me the money as well as my partner Doug R.

Jack figured a way to loan my partner and I a whopping $10,000 total.  We needed about eight times that much.  We did what we could (for the rest) using sweat equity. And sweat we did. I was often there until midnight and often 24/7,  decorating and redecorating the store, studying catalogs for hot trending items, learning all I could about nutrition, etc.

My father not only didn’t bank at BOH, he also wanted nothing to do with the health food store, unless he could figure out a way to make money on it.  And of course he did (most of the money that went through that store went to him). He told me he would secure me the corner 875 square foot (perfect) space in a new mall he’d built called “Village Green Mall” if I would rent from him and the rent would be a very low $675 per month. To him low, but to me extremely high.

I assessed the place, Village Green Mall,  and came to the conclusion people would have a difficult time maneuvering in and out of it, or even finding it, given that North 25th Ave. the inward artery had no traffic light, nor did the service road.  He assured me it would be mainly students at USM across the highway and most of them would walk.  Any normal businessperson would have seen the obstacle to traffic, and opted out, as most did.

But when you have autism, at age 28, running marathons and “trying to be a super athlete”, it is easy to talk oneself into believing they can overcome such obstacles, which actually are more basic business principles than obstacles.  They cannot be overcome, and none of the other stores in that once full mall were able to make it past 2-5 years either.  I could run 26 miles, but I couldn’t keep a tiny shop open that had no access road traffic light.  Shows how important basic business principles really are (and to avoid landlords who feel you might not understand them).

npd 8 His assurances were as good as his word.   Very few students could afford or even wanted vitamins or herbs at the time (1978) and most of my older customers also went to the competing store which had about 6 years experience and inventory on me (and easy in/out access). In other words not only did my dad not contribute a penny to The Sesame Seed health food store, he managed to take 24,600 from it in rent.  Rent in a mall that went under (as far as boutique shops which were there when I was).

To my knowledge, it is still open but has tenants such as “EZPay Loans” etc in which people will take a risk taking dangerous turns to get there, simply because they would even deal with a predator lender.   A person wouldn’t make that turn for some overpriced tofu or rice crackers; when they could get it a mile away at an established store and a few years later at a new store called “WalMart” another 1.5 miles away.

So that lie not only didn’t fly but has a backlash that will appear in my book, after I discovered I am able to get those records from the Internet since the business went into Chapter 13 in 1980. Those records are still in the clerk’s office.  The only names anyone will see on them are Doug R.  (my 1st partner who sold out the first year), former USM professor Bill K., and The Bank Of Hattiesburg.  (My late dad’s name is nowhere to be found on the loan papers), as he (and his FMs) have told and continue to tell everyone.  I now know the exact source,  who it was who told my relative in the northeast as I got her to “accidentally” cough it up, and it turned out to be one of the second generation flying monkeys as I suspected.  As mentioned all this is on the Internet county archives and very easy to retrieve which I will be doing for my book.

That FM began making up lies (at least ones that got back to me) before I was 15. I didn’t quite understand what they (the lies) were all about.  Of course with enough therapy, anyone would understand.  Nothing personal, just playing ones role for survival in a very ill NPD family, and my “sin” was being the sane/honest one.  So it goes. Oh, Professional Bill and I decided to try some real estate ventures on our own after the health food crash. We bought some old homes and fixed them up.  In the middle of that, my dad ran him out of town.  He was having “too much control over me” and was “not a good influence”.  Actually he was a very nice person and good influence.  USM apparently thought so too.

Though it has a new name, this is the building where I borrowed the money for The Sesame Seed (my health food store). My father put not one penny into it but took app. $25k in rent moneys.  It was then called Bank Of Hattiesburg.

Though it has a new name, this is the building where I borrowed the money for The Sesame Seed (my health food store). My father put not one penny into it but took app. $25k in rent moneys. It was then called Bank Of Hattiesburg.

That was just one of the many NPD lies that has circulated for years before reaching me (most of them eventually do reach me) as I said.  The majority of FMs do get sick of being minions for a family feud of which they know nothing about, but are commanded by the narcissists in it to take their side and do their dirty work.   They not only eventually stop, but they get so angry over the years they even come to me to let me know what has been happening. So I took all that information to the State Of Arkansas Autism Board Member (for 35 years) who is my acting therapist who assured me that I’ve been dealing with an NPD family.

That is what the attic bedroom isolation was about at age six. It had nothing to do with being a “special child”, it had everything to do with isolating me from the other children. I was the odd one. I blinked my eyes too much. I had twitches, I acted strange. I had autism. I must be punished for that.  And punished I was. The flying monkeys continue to “do their dirty work” as word gets back to me.

But it has died down considerably since my autism diagnosis as such crimes and discrimination against the disabled are taken very seriously (as well they should G.).  I have made it as clear (I only need tell one or two….the rest know within an hoiur or two…that is the way that FM family/minion network works),  as I possibly can to the current living flying monkeys what the consequences will be of further such evil actions (even if it is from a third party), I know the exact source.  The Universe truly has a way of providing kindness and justice if the scapegoat will only grab onto a rope and have patience. The bottom line is disengage, no matter how hard they attack.  All attacks from them go directly to the ADA (Americans With Disability Act) part of the Department Of Justice. npd 14 power Keep in mind that as the scapegoat child (even as an adult), your ability to fight back and resources to do so may be limited. Besides, those type family feuds often last forever and nobody wins. However if the DOJ takes over, the fight has ended (even if the FMs and narcissists don’t realize it at first). That’s why  the ADA exists. Your rights are their business, and they take their business very seriously, no matter what station in life the flying monkeys are enjoying.  Your rights are not only their business, but the FMs and N’s have made a very special effort over the years to make it appear that you don’t have any (rights).  Bullies try their best to do that to their victims.  They are now going to learn otherwise.

My wife and I are listening to one of my network’s webinar on the steps to use to file such a complaint in case this ever happens again, which it could.  I hope everyone can listen. I posted the registration URL on social media yesterday. Please sign up and have a look. It is free, and your rights (that have been taken away) are pertinent.  Knowledge is power and the more you know about your rights, the more it diminshes the FMs/bullies/narcissists.

Meantime, I write these type blogs, not only to compile into a book, but am publishing them sooner than the book; and for free to read, so that others (and this type family dysfunction is omnipotent and we thought it was rare for so long), so that others can get help, or learn from my own mistakes, and not have to shell out money they may not have (for a book) but still get the proper assistance and/or resources. Mark Twain Quote

The NPD Family, The Scapegoat Child, And “Flying Monkeys”. The Remedy – by Rick London#the trac

First, thank you to my wonderful, understanding wife nature and wildlife photographer and gift designer Lee Hiller London who has made 2015 “The Year Of The Rick”, that is, I am able to feel comfortable in my development and growth (that never happened) due to un-diagnosed autism, vanus, and NPD Disorder parents (and subsequent “flying monkeys”).  A thought hit me the other day.  I wonder what it looked like to neighbors who knew I was put away in the attic and my other siblings encouraged to go outside to play.  Don’t get me wrong. I had a bike and all the accoutrements to appear to have some normalcy.  But that’s all they were, like braces on my teeth at age 12.    One might ask, “But Rick, you were given expensive braces. How can you say they ignored you or scapegoated you”.  Every child with crooked teeth whose parents had the resources got braces because that can be seen by the public, plus it played into “the perfection syndrome” of the NPD. npd meme 9 Autism cannot be seen, extremely painful vanus (flat feet with shattered joints, cartilage cannot be seen by the public.  Straight shiny white teeth can; futher proof of “all the good they were doing for their ungrateful child”. So I queried a facebook friend who moved into my neighborhood when she was 5 years old with her parents who were very well known and respected in the community.  Normally, my parents did their best to ingratiate themselves to that type.  Not this couple.  Why? Upon asking questions, I asked her a bit about herself several days ago in facebook private message.  As it turns out she is now a grandmother, and has grandchildren diagnosed with autism.  Upon noticing that, she could see many of the symptoms in herself. ADHD was one of them.  That was no big surprise to her as she’d been reading about it awhile.  She is starting therapy next week to try to lessen some of the painful side effects of what appears to be autism (When I say painful I mean emotionally so) such as depression, anxiety, esteem issues, etc. She feels from reading if not full-blown autism, surely somewhere on the Asperger’s Spectrum (of which I can also identify). I have both. npd meme 1 I asked her if she remembered my attic bedroom.  I imagined 50 years later, she didn’t.  I was very wrong.  She not only remembered it, she remembered wondering what the hell was happening at our home as did her parents.  Why were my other siblings out and about, and I was at home brooding in my attic bedroom away from everyone else most of the day after school. I occasionally had friends, but my parents “ran them off” for being “a bad influence on me”.  The only ones they allowed in my life, were the ones that truly were bad influences on me. Some nearly got me killed.  They remained “just fine” in my parent’s book.

My neighbor (and I’m sure many others) knew to a certain degree something was very wrong; she simply didn’t make it that blunt as you can see in her message to me further down the page on the “facebook screen shot”.    The narcissistic parents can be so self-absorbed, they haven’t a clue others nearby are curious at worst, concerned at best. Even 5 year olds (and of course their more worldly/educated parents).  I asked her if I might block out her name and photo and post it in my upcoming book (of which I am blogging various chapters now).  She said, “Not only can you post it, there’s no need to block out my name or photo. I can see quite well what they were doing to you”.  Still I decided to block it out. Her family was very well known and respected and though she’s moved far away, she still visits occasionally.  npd 7 The shocker is that though her loving parents didn’t know she had autism (which she may not), they knew something was different and took a very different approach than my parents did.  They loved her unconditionally and being good with academia, helped her nonstop with her homework and encouraged her to try new things and face challenges. Of course mine did the opposite.  jung meme 3 Here is a screenshot of her memories of me hidden away in the attic.  This was our third home, but our second home in Hillendale, the subdivision my maternal grandfather Marcus London developed, the home that burned down and rebuilt.  The home that I made sure the fire department arrived by calling them and the home where I dragged my 5 year old frightened brother to safety next door at Richard Ward’s home and made certain my older sister got out of the  bathtub and out of the burning home that had smoke billowing through it. She has even noticed that my wife Lee is an angel, learning with me all we can, so our lives are as happy and fulfilling as we deserve. And we deserve good now.  We’ve seen what rough edges can be.

We know what “flying monkeys” can and will do. We now have the tools to stop them in their tracks, with the help of major networks and government agencies if need be, but we know our rights, and we use them accordingly if need be.  I deserve my remaining golden years to be good ones. I spent 12 years in “attic captivity” in a place where NPD tactics were used regularly to create a “scapegoat child” and later a “scapegoat adult”.  The more you read about NPD, the more nauseous one gets.  There’s no way around it. I know I will have to forgive one day, not for them but for me. Meantime, my newfound anger, energy and contacts only drives me to help other families and/or children who might find themselves in similar situations.  

That has become, other than God and my wife, the most important thing.  That story was told often in my family….for a few months.  Then suddenly it disappeared as if it had never happened. I went from “the bravest little boy ever” back to the “snotty bratty kid who could do nothing right”.  Even in adulthood, my siblings never thanked me or acknowledged that I’d saved their lives.  My parents concluded I had, the maid said I did, I’m sure it appeared to next door neighbor Richard Ward I did, at least with my 5 year old brother (as I had him tightly by the arm dropping him off there to safety from the burning home, and finally am sure it is somewhere in the record archives of the Hattiesburg Police and Fire Departments.  

But suddenly it disappeared from my family records.  Rick never saved anyone; or at least it was never brought up again, and I was discouraged from talking to others about it.  It even seemed creepy to me then. Now that I know what that was all about, it is worse than creepy. It is maniacal, yet I’d do my best to save their lives again if put in a similar situation.  They never could help being emotionally ill anymore than I could.  My parents couldn’t help that they had NPD Disorder.  However, they could have gone for help.  They didn’t (to my knowledge).  If they did, it didn’t “take”.  mandalay connie Large blocked2222222222222222222222222

Anyone who knows he/she has not done wrong, longs to clear his/her name; no matter how many years later if it has been tarnished. Often, at first, it is a total surprise as to why it even has (been tarnished). I was never told I had done anything wrong.  I was never corrected for anything above regular childrens “crimes and misdemeanors.   One knows if he has tried his best. I’d not hurt anyone, at least not purposely, and was baffled figure out why their family of birth keeps those “imaginary wrongs” in the public eye.   Though I have a good name outside of my hometown in most cases (even worldwide..and should, I treat my friends and fans as I’d want to be treated), remnants of NPD occasionally resurface.

 I was raised in an NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) home.   NPD is a dreaded emotional disorder in which parents abuse their children, all of them, but particularly the “scapegoat archetype” child, well into adulthood.   That is a necessary dynamic to the NPD (according to Jung and Satir) in order for the NPD model to work.  Make no mistake, the other children; hero, golden, and/or lost child are injured every bit as much.  They simply don’t know it as they get “some soothing” via material possessions, less mental abuse etc. NPD is so subtle, unless one is trained, studied, or looking with a microscope, it can be very difficult to be revealed. In fact it appears the opposite. It appears the victims are the parents and the perpetrator is the scapegoat child. Nothing is further than the truth. In fact it is the overly-sensitive, truthful scapegoat that is chosen for those very qualities in most cases (to be the scapegoat) to the NPD parents.  

The other NPD children, the golden child, the lost child etc. may not have been brutally criticized etc. daily, but they were carefully and artfully manipulated into their roles to help do their parents bidding, and to make certain the “scapegoat child” was hated within the family unit, and then help broadcast it into the community.  Children are not dumb.  They knew early on it was a lie but had to do what they had to do to survive in that family unit.  So they did.  It became habit and possibly even fun.  But a lie is a lie, and even as adults, especially as adults, they know exactly what it is (unless they are just too far gone) in denial.  npd 3 meme parent The narcissistic parents do not recruit friends, they recruit to what are commonly referred as “flying monkeys” named after the flying monkeys from the film “Wizard Of Oz”.  Those FMs are completely unaware, at first, why they are recruited, at least most of them.  Ironically, not only Jung and Satir (and to for the most part Freud, were aware of this entire sick family dynamic, so was Mark Twain. He warned people with his famous quote regarding “getting fooled”.  It pertained to this very issue.  So where is the closure?  Where is the justice that was a lifetime of chaos and capriciousness facilitated by parents who used their scapegoat child as a diversion (for the public) to their own mental illness? 

What is left but “flying monkeys” who, haven’t a clue they were duped, wouldn’t believe it if the best psychologist (or psychiatrist in the world told them), and why do they continue, as if chronically ill themselves to blacken your name, no matter where you live by insidiously broadcasting to local religious organizations, law enforcement, friends, students and even mutual friends of the scapegoat etc. many of whom all tell me what they are up to.  At first some of it thought it was “sort of fun”.  Then they saw the damage that was being done to me.  Then they saw the damage that was being done to them. Then they got sick of it; at least the ones with a little bit of sanity left.  The others continue to enjoy it as it is “what makes them tick”.  They will (most probably) need legal intervention to stop if it invades my space, hurts me in personal or business situations etc.  But it takes what it takes.  Lee and I have a motto in our home and it applies to everywhere we go, “Nobody wants to bully either of us. They may not know it at this time, but they really really don’t.”

Most are sick of them and, like most adults, feel that if one has unfinished business with someone, they should confront that person themselves.  Flying monkeys are cowards.  Cowards of the worst kind.  Some think they are strong and mighty (because they have brought the scapegoat to his/her knees) but quite the opposite.  It was the numbers of them, not any one of them.  It was also the element of surprise in that the scapegoat hasn’t a clue that he/she is “in a war” until way after it is too late.  The negative feedback usually begins early on (and from parents, then siblings, then community) so that’s “just how life is to the scapegoat”, a bit difficult but hey, that is life, right?  No, not even close.  

In real life a person is not purposely undermined on a daily basis by hundreds, sometimes thousands.  The good news.  There is a solution and it can be reversed, and often is.  No one of them could endure, or even come close to endure what the scapegoat has (and deep down every one of them are quite aware of that fact), hence they never confront or even mention any of the “wrongs” to the scapegoat ever. 

When word has occasionally gotten back to me by 3rd parties, I always ask, “What was my wrong?”  Of course all I get is radio silence.  I always then ask, “Do you think you could get them to take a lie detector test with me?  I’ll gladly pay for it.” Again radio silence.  That has happened so many times, it is what led me on my two decade journey to finally discover exactly what the issue was, and the issue was not me, it was a  horrid social/mental disorder of which my parents suffered called NPD. npd meme father 2 Recently, I mentioned it was discovered that I have autism. I mentioned this to several relatives, close relatives (or as close a birth relatives that I might have).  One does not “catch autism” as if it is an airborne disease, it is congenital.  One relative had nothing to say except, “Well we didn’t know much about autism back then.”  I followed up, “Why wasn’t I tested?” 

She continued, “Well if we didn’t know much about anything why would we have you tested?”  I responded, “Then why at age 6 was I hidden away in an attic far removed/isolated from my other two siblings?  (radio silence).  I knew then my parents knew there was indeed something very different about me. It turned out not to be a disease, but a gift.  But a gift of which they were ashamed, since it was so different.

When emailed from me to one blood relative of my autism he replied, “Funny, I have a bit of dyslexia and I volunteer with some local doctors and we get great results. I’m very interested in yours. Please tell me more as my wife’s niece has a mild case of it, hence we have it on both sides of the family”. (In other words, “Shut up, Rick. You’re making a big deal over nothing.  Sorry your autism was never diagnosed. Live with it.  The rest of us are doing just fine with my wife’s niece with her mild case.”)

Unless he is totally naive, which is very possible, I think he thought I’d listen to his garbage and just let it go.  He thought so very wrong.  I will one day let it go. though, but of course that’s another season. Now is not that season. Now that I am in touch with it, know what it is, and finally know what it is I am battling and learning to grow, develop, and learning to live comfortably with  it, I won’t stop, especially given the NPD/flying monkeys continued behaviors, until the world is extremely aware.  That is a promise.

If anything happens to me, there are 25 others writing with me in the autism/Asperger’s network and they are very familiar with my case and the players.  FYI, there are no “mild cases” of autism or Asperger’s. One is either on the spectrum or not.  There are different places on the spectrum of which they are, but that isn’t mild or intense, it is autism, a different way of thinking. Period. Only the most ignorant and uniformed would call autism “mild”.

 I almost couldn’t believe what I was reading in the email, and then remembered it was from a related (one of the core) “flying monkey” recruiters. I showed that to my PhD psychologist expert who simply shook her head.  She knew what I’d been up against for many many years, and how very cruel it was, and is; as are the people involved in such virulently negative behavior. 

It’s way too late for them to continue the flying monkey routine and think it is productive. If anything it is simply more “grist for the mill” for our publishing and/or productions to do anything possible to help other families avoid it, or if they are already on the narcissism spectrum, how to change the dynamics from extremely sick to healthier, and possibly to healthy (with the right professionals).  So the more they “act out”, the more information we have on various “worst-case scenarios”.  As I mentioned, some “writers” who are not quite aware they are writing the ending….are writing the ending of my story 🙂  

My wonderful wife Lee seems to have a very instinctual understanding of it all, and is very supportive.  I am very lucky for that.   I get so much more done in my personal life, my business life, and now my educational life (that is in helping others understand what is happening to them with NPD and/or un-diagnosed autism/Apserger’s; and “flying monkeys and cruel/ignorant families.  She is a brilliant writer with excellent contacts and knows how to complete my project, and will, should something happen, along with the autism network.  It will be completed, no matter what. 

My blood relative added, “In 4th grade mom and dad learned I had ADD so mom threw me a Valium, put me on my bike and sent me to school. It’s a wonder I ever made it to adulthood”.  Then he added an “LOL” at the end of that statement as if that were funny, and of course another subtle request for me to “stop making a big deal out of nothing”.  

Of course those of us who are halfway studied, understand that child abuse is anything but “nothing”.  It could only make me wonder how he has raised, and is raising his own children.  I shudder to think.  Hence the isolation and subsequent mental abuse.  Possibly a part of them felt the abuse would “change those differences”.  I had tics, I blinked my eyes incessantly, I flailed my hands and numerous other obvious movements.

Healthy parents would have at least had their child assessed by a child psychologist. Even a mediocre one in those days knew enough about autism to know it was “not something to be cured” but something to be educated in a different manner (special education) and in my case it would have simply been “the gifted program” and I would have fared quite well. Keep in mind after the parents are deceased, with nothing, of course, but unfinished business, not just with their scapegoat but with their golden child and lost child, what happens.  Long before the parents are deceased, the siblings of the scapegoat learn they can join in with the abuse, and this for the most part keeps the focus off them, and their imperfections. 

Remember, NPD is all about ambiance, (the way things look and seem to the general public) and they must seem as perfect as humanly possible; even if that means “creating a scapegoat” as “the one who is always trying to mess things up”.  That scapegoat actually is, but not because he/she wants to, because he/she has to. He/she has been programmed by the sick parents to do so, and if he/she doesn’t misbehave, he/she can and often is criticized even more severely and for longer periods of time.  This is the parent’s “alarm bell” to say to them, “See, we are perfect and we are doing the best we can, but we’ve been cursed with this demon child” who cannot do anything but wrong.   And wrong I could do. I must have responded to my programming with such preciseness, they were quite proud (while badmouthing me the whole time). npd meme 9 A recent flying monkey reared his ugly head not more than a few months ago.  He lives in Houston and contacted several local businessmen of which I have a good relationship.  They wondered why, if he had a gripe with me, he didn’t simply contact me.  He grew up in this area, but really didn’t know them or vice versa.  One spilled the beans and let me know what he was up to.  I contacted the ADA (Americans With Disability Act). When I tell you they are on your side (if you have a disability, and believe me you do whether you have autism or NPD or both).  The casting of aspersions stopped as rapidly as they started.  I called for a complete federal investigation (and would again next I hear of one). 

I now have heart disease and high blood pressure (and civil rights) and if they do anything to affect my health due to my disability (and now that is what the flying monkey business is about), they are asking for prison time.  And I am willing to help them pack their bags.  I can no longer be run over, not by them, and not by an unsuspecting third party they “recruit in innocence”. 

The healthy places I’m now going in my life, are they don’t “want to go there” places…not because they don’t want to, because they can’t. Unless they come clean (which is highly doubtful), they will remain bitter sick “flying monkeys” into the grave.  As sad as that sounds, it happens every day.   Plus they are no longer invited. I now know who they are and their sick sick game. They do not have the honor of my company, even in proxy by 3rd or even 10th party “flying monkeys”. 

They will have to create their own new fantasy life that does not include me.  Maybe new scapegoats (Though I don’t wish that on anyone, a “flying monkey must have a scapegoat” in their minds, in order simply to “be”, to “exist” if you will.  Many do not understand that yet. They will when my book and subsequent film is produced, though.  The flying monkeys are writing the ending.  They simply aren’t aware of that fact yet.  Maybe now they are aware now, or figured it out awhile back. 

They’ve been writing it for the past 1.5 years.  I hope they like what they’ve written thus far. I mention that part of the story because one cannot do enough for narcissists.  The “scapegoat role” is way much more important than anything so temporary and expected as risking ones life to save there’s.  Thankfully there are still people alive who remember that incident, and I believe the fire and police departments keep that kind of thing on record.  npd flying monkey 2 meme Never try to satisfy a narcissist. They do not look at you as human, only as a tool to further their role as victim and covert abuser. Mark Twain knew that. Jung knew that, Virginia Satir knew that, and for your own peace of mind, please learn and know that. Twain possibly knew more (by instinct, not training) than any other in contemporary history on the dysfunctional family.  Often he felt it necessary to describe it from a child’s point of view.  Huckleberry Finn is chock full of quotes regarding this type dysfunctional family as well as other dysfunctional type family dynamics.  Mark Twain Quote If you are someone’s flying monkey, do the healthy thing and distance yourself. If you find yourself unable, get professional help. They will give you the tools to do so.  To abuse a child is unforgivable. To abuse a child with autism, or any such disability is beyond unforgivable. It is the definition of abuse and sin.  Even in the best of conditions, any scapegoat child would have had a very difficult time moving forward and grow as his/her peers. To stunt that is evil (in the serial killer level of evil….the dynamics are the same; having others/minions do the “soul murder” by carrying out their dirty work, but keeping their hands clean). Didn’t someone named “Manson” use similar dynamics in the 60s?  

True, it is difficult to see the similarities…..unless you’ve been the victim of this type of crime, but it is easy to see that the dynamics were/are identical. The narcissist makes the rules of who is bad or good, and then sends out “flying monkeys “to punish them”.  It’s pretty clear.  The narcissists hands are clean and rarely if ever puts such orders in writing.  The flying monkeys get the blame if caught.

  I’ll be clear.  As sick as these people were/and current ones are, I don’t compare them to Manson and his evil crimes.  (He is a monster), only the dynamics of their crimes.  The dynamics are exactly the same.  The perpetrator’s hands are clean.  Their flying monkeys have all the blood on their hands, and like Manson’s “flying monkeys”, don’t most (not all) but most, don’t even have a clue they are being used, and their best interests are not at heart.  Often they are given “gifts” or other material things to make them forget that.  The ones who continue it are the ones who never had moral or ethics in the first place and if they’ve passed middle age, they still have a chance to get well, but that window is closing rapidly. 

Make no mistake, it is a brutal horrible inexcusable crime (that rarely goes punished); except for the inner-demons and very low self-esteem that exists in any narcissist and “flying monkey”.  That is the extent of their punishment unless legally made to stop.  And that is my goal; plus to educate others as how to do the same.   The difference is Manson’s poor victims never had a chance to get help and understanding as to what happened to them.  Soul murder is different.  A victim does get that chance, if bright enough, but it won’t be due to the flying monkeys sharing private information or handing them the key from bondage.  It will be from self-awareness, education, and very good professional people who understand “the whole game” very well. In fact they see it daily.  They are the best psychologists that profession has to offer.  

And I have several of them working with me personally, and several more in my network.  I hate writing that, and don’t want to think it, but it is true (according to textbook psychology and psychiatry).  It is a type of murder (soul murder) that lasts a long time. Sometimes a lifetime.  Sometimes the scapegoat gets lucky and with a lot of help, figures their game out, and how it can and must stop (not just for my own good, but for theirs as well).   It is even more difficult to write, given that many of the central players of the “flying monkeys” are blood relatives to me, but I don’t call them “my relatives” when mentioning their names.  It is best for healthy people to not have association with someone like that; in fact pertinent.  Pioneer NPD therapist Virginia Satir understood the dynamics of an NPD family possibly better than anyone.  Here are her “Five Freedoms”….. npd virginia Satir If you find you are the family scapegoat of an NPD family, find a way to get the information into the community.  This type family crisis is fixable, or at least treatable so that the amount of abuse and flying monkeys are minimal, and you get to lead the productive healthy life you deserve.  But first one must confront every “demon”, and stop worrying about making waves.  As Shakespeare most briefly stated, “To thine own self be true”.  jung wolf ——————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Rick London is an author, songwriter, cartoonist and gift designer.  He is best known for his Google #1 ranked Londons Times Offbeat Cartoons which he launched in 1997. His funny gift shops are very popular as well.

Narcissistic Parental Disorder, Flying Monkeys, And Denial, Oh My….What Now? by Rick London

First, thank you to my wonderful, understanding wife nature and wildlife photographer and gift designer Lee Hiller London who has made 2015 “The Year Of The Rick”, that is, I am able to fill comfortable in my development and growth (that never happened) due to un-diagnosed autism, vanus, and NPD Disorder parents (and subsequent “flying monkeys”). 

A thought hit me the other day.  I wonder what it looked like to neighbors who knew I was put away in the attic and my other siblings encouraged to go outside to play.  Don’t get me wrong. I had a bike and all the accoutrements to appear to have some normalcy.  But that’s all they were, like braces on my teeth at age 12.    One might ask, “But Rick, you were given expensive braces. How can you say they ignored you or scapegoated you”.  Every child with crooked teeth whose parents had the resources got braces because that can be seen by the public, plus it played into “the perfection syndrome” of the NPD.

npd meme 9

Autism cannot be seen, extremely painful vanus (flat feet with shattered joints, cartilage cannot be seen by the public.  Straight shiny white teeth can; futher proof of “all the good they were doing for their ungrateful child”.

So I found a neighbor who moved into my neighborhood when she was 5 years old with her parents who were very well known and respected in the community.  Normally, my parents did their best to ingratiate themselves to that type.  Not this couple.  Why?

Upon asking questions, I asked her a bit about herself several days ago in facebook private message.  As it turns out she is now a grandmother, and has grandchildren diagnosed with autism.  Upon noticing that, she could see many of the symptoms in herself. ADHD was one of them.  That was no big surprise to her as she’d been reading about it awhile.  She is starting therapy next week to try to lessen some of the painful side effects of autism (When I say painful I mean emotionally so) such as depression, anxiety, esteem issues, etc.

npd meme 1

I asked her if she remembered my attic bedroom.  I imagined 50 years later, she didn’t.  I was very wrong.  She not only remembered it, she remembered wondering what the hell was happening at our home.  Why were my younger siblings out and about, and I was at home brooding in my attic bedroom away from everyone else.  She knew to a certain degree something was very wrong; she simply didn’t make it that blunt as you can see in her message to me.  

I asked her if I might block out her name and photo and post it in my upcoming book (of which I am blogging various chapters now).  She said, “Not only can you post it, there’s no need to block out my name or photo. I can see quite well what they were doing to you”.  Still I decided to block it out. Her family was very well known and respected and though she’s moved far away, she still visits occasionally. 

npd 7

The shocker is that though her loving parents didn’t know she had autism (which she may not) but chances are good she does, they knew something was different and took a very different approach than my parents did.  They loved her unconditionally and being good with academia, helped her nonstop with her homework and encouraged her to try new things and face challenges. Of course mine did the opposite. 

jung meme 3

Here is a screenshot of her memories of me hidden away in the attic.  This was our third home, but our second home in Hillendale, the subdivision my maternal grandfather Marcus London developed, the home that burned down.  The home that I made sure the fire department arrived by calling them and the home where I dragged my 5 year old frightened brother to safety and made certain my older sister got out of the  bathtub and out of the burning home that had smoke billowing through it. She has even noticed that my wife Lee is an angel, learning with me all we can, so our lives are as happy and fulfilling as we deserve. And we deserve good now.  We’ve seen what rough edges can be. We know what “flying monkeys” can and will do. We know how to stop them in the tracks, with the help of major networks and government agencies if need be, but we know our rights, and we use them accordingly if need be. 

mandalay connie Large blocked2

Everyone who knows they have not done wrong, longs to clear their name; no matter how many years later if it has been tarnished. Often, at first, it is a total surprise as to why it even has (been tarnished). One knows they have tried their best. They know they’ve not hurt anyone, at least not purposely, and they can’t figure out why their family of birth keeps those “imaginary wrongs” in the public eye. 

 Though I have a good name outside of my hometown in most cases (even worldwide..and should, I treat my friends and fans as I’d want to be treated), remnants of NPD occasionally resurface.  I was raised in an NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) home.   NPD is a dreaded emotional disorder in which parents abuse their children, all of them, but particularly the “scapegoat archetype” child, well into adulthood.   That is a necessary dynamic to the NPD (according to Jung and Satir) in order for the NPD model to work. 

Make no mistake, the other children; hero, golden, and/or lost child are injured every bit as much.  They simply don’t know it as they get “some soothing” via material possessions, less mental abuse etc. NPD is so subtle, unless one is trained, studied, or looking with a microscope, it can be very difficult to be revealed. In fact it appears the opposite. It appears the victims are the parents and the perpetrator is the scapegoat child. Nothing is further than the truth. In fact it is the overly-sensitive, truthful scapegoat that is chosen for those very qualities in most cases (to be the scapegoat) to the NPD parents. 

npd 3 meme parent

The narcissistic parents do not recruit friends, they recruit to what are commonly referred as “flying monkeys” named after the flying monkeys from the film “Wizard Of Oz”.  Those FMs are completely unaware, at first, why they are recruited, at least most of them.  Ironically, not only Jung and Satir (and to for the most part Freud, were aware of this entire sick family dynamic, so was Mark Twain. He warned people with his famous quote regarding “getting fooled”.  It pertained to this very issue. 

So where is the closure?  Where is the justice that was a lifetime of chaos and capriciousness facilitated by parents who used their scapegoat child as a diversion (for the public) to their own mental illness? 

What is left but “flying monkeys” who, haven’t a clue they were duped, wouldn’t believe it if the best psychologist (or psychiatrist in the world told them), and why do they continue, as if chronically ill themselves to blacken your name, no matter where you live by insidiously broadcasting to local religious organizations, law enforcement, etc. most of whom all tell me what they are up to.  Most are sick of them and, like most adults, feel that if one has unfinished business with someone, they should confront that person themselves.  Flying monkeys are cowards.  Cowards of the worst kind.  Some think they are strong and mighty (because they have brought the scapegoat to his/her knees) but quite the opposite.  It was the numbers of them, not any one of them. 

No one of them could endure, or even come close to endure what the scapegoat has (and deep down every one of them are quite aware of that fact), hence they never confront or even mention any of the “wrongs” to the scapegoat ever.  When word has occasionally gotten back to me by 3rd parties, I always ask, “What was my wrong?”  Of course all I get is radio silence.  I always then ask, “Do you think you could get them to take a lie detector test with me?  I’ll gladly pay for it.” Again radio silence.  That has happened so many times, it is what led me on my two decade journey to finally discover exactly what the issue was, and the issue was not me, it was a  horrid social/mental disorder of which my parents suffered called NPD.

npd meme father 2

Recently, I mentioned it was discovered that I have autism. I mentioned this to several relatives, close relatives (or as close a birth relatives that I might have).  One does not “catch autism” as if it is an airborne disease, it is congenital.  One relative had nothing to say except, “Well we didn’t know much about autism back then.”  I followed up, “Why wasn’t I tested?”  She continued, “Well if we didn’t know much about anything why would we have you tested?”  I responded, “Then why at age 6 was I hidden away in an attic far removed/isolated from my other two siblings?  (radio silence).  I knew then my parents knew there was indeed something very different about me. It turned out not to be a disease, but a gift.  But a gift of which they were ashamed, since it was so different.

When emailed from me to one blood relative of my autism he replied, “Funny, I have a bit of dyslexia and I volunteer with some local doctors and we get great results. I’m very interested in yours. Please tell me more as my wife’s niece has a mild case of it, hence we have it on both sides of the family”. (In other words, “Shut up, Rick. You’re making a big deal over nothing.  Sorry your autism was never diagnosed. Live with it.  The rest of us are doing just fine with my wife’s niece with her mild case.”)

Unless he is totally naive, which is very possible, I think he thought I’d listen to his garbage and just let it go.  He thought so very wrong.  I will one day let it go. though, but of course that’s another season. Now is not that season. Now that I am in touch with it, know what it is, and finally know what it is I am battling and learning to grow, develop, and learning to live comfortably with  it, I won’t stop, especially give the NPD/flying monkeys experience, until the world is aware.  That is a promise. If anything happens to me, there are 25 others writing with me.  It’s way too late for them to continue the flying monkey routine and think it is productive. If anything it is simply more “grist for the mill” for our publishing and/or productions. 

My life Lee seems to have a very instinctual understanding of it all, and is very supportive.  I am very lucky for that.   I get so much more done in my personal life, my business life, and now my educational life (that is in helping others understand what is happening to them with NPD and/or un-diagnosed autism/Apserger’s; and “flying monkeys and cruel/ignorant families. 

He added, “In 4th grade mom and dad learned I had ADD so mom threw me a Valium, put me on my bike and sent me to school. It’s a wonder I ever made it to adulthood”. 

Hence the isolation and subsequent mental abuse.  Possibly a part of them felt the abuse would “change those differences”.  I had tics, I blinked my eyes incessantly, I flailed my hands and numerous other obvious movements. Healthy parents would have at least had their child assessed by a child psychologist. Even a mediocre one in those days knew enough about autism to know it was “not something to be cured” but something to be educated in a different manner (special education) and in my case it would have simply been “the gifted program” and I would have fared quite well.

Keep in mind after the parents are deceased, with nothing, of course, but unfinished business, not just with their scapegoat but with their golden child and lost child, what happens.  Long before the parents are deceased, the siblings of the scapegoat learn they can join in with the abuse, and this for the most part keeps the focus off them, and their imperfections. 

Remember, NPD is all about ambiance, (the way things look and seem to the general public) and they must seem as perfect as humanly possible; even if that means “creating a scapegoat” as “the one who is always trying to mess things up”. 

That scapegoat actually is, but not because he/she wants to, because he/she has to. He/she has been programmed by the sick parents to do so, and if they don’t, they are often punished.  This is the parent’s “alarm bell” to say to them, “See, we are perfect and we are doing the best we can, but we’ve been cursed with this “demon child” who cannot do anything but wrong.   And wrong I could do. I must have responded to my programming with such preciseness, they were quite proud (while badmouthing me the whole time).

npd meme 9

A recent flying monkey reared his ugly head not more than a few months ago.  He lives in Houston and contacted several local businessmen of which I have a good relationship.  They wondered why, if he had a gripe with me, he didn’t simply contact me.  He grew up in this area, but really didn’t know them or vice versa.  One spilled the beans and let me know what he was up to.  I contacted the ADA (Americans With Disability Act).

When I tell you they are on your side (if you have a disability, and believe me you do whether you have autism or NPD or both).  The casting of aspersions stopped as rapidly as they started.  I called for a complete federal investigation (and would again next I hear of one).  I now have heart disease and high blood pressure (and civil rights) and if they do anything to affect my health due to my disability (and now that is what the flying monkey business is about), they are asking for prison time.  And I am willing to help them pack their bags.  I can no longer be run over, not by them, and not by an unsuspecting third party they “recruit in innocence”. 

They healthy places I’m now going in my life, they don’t “want to go there”.  And not because they wouldn’t if they could, it’s because they can’t go there.  They are no longer invited along.  They do not have the honor of my company, even in proxy.  They will have to create their own new fantasy life that does not include me.  Many do not understand that yet. They will when my book and subsequent film is produced, though.  They’re writing the ending.  They simply aren’t aware of that fact yet.  Maybe now they are.  They’ve been writing it for the past 1.5 years.  I hope they like what they’ve written thus far.

I mention that part of the story because one cannot do enough for narcissists.  The “scapegoat role” is way much more important than anything so temporary and expected as risking ones life to save there’s.  Thankfully there are still people alive who remember that incident, and I believe the fire and police departments keep that kind of thing on record. 

npd flying monkey 2 meme

Never try to satisfy a narcissist. They do not look at you as human, only as a tool to further their role as victim and covert abuser. Mark Twain knew that. Jung knew that, Virginia Satir knew that, and for your own peace of mind, please learn and know that.

Twain possibly knew more (by instinct, not training) than any other in contemporary history on the dysfunctional family.  Often he felt it necessary to describe it from a child’s point of view.  Huckleberry Finn is chock full of quotes regarding this type dysfunctional family as well as other dysfunctional type family dynamics. 

Mark Twain Quote

If you are someone’s flying monkey, do the healthy thing and distance yourself. If you find yourself unable, get professional help. They will give you the tools to do so. 

Pioneer NPD vs Healthy Family therapist Virginia Satir understood the dynamics of an NPD family possibly better than anyone. 

Here are her “Five Freedoms”…..

npd virginia Satir

If you find you are the family scapegoat of an NPD family, find a way to get the information into the community. 

This type family crisis is fixable, or at least treatable so that the amount of abuse and flying monkeys are minimal, and you get to lead the productive healthy life you deserve.  But first one must confront every “demon”, and stop worrying about making waves.  As Shakespeare most briefly stated, “To thine own self be true”. 

jung wolf

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Rick London is an author, songwriter, cartoonist and gift & clothing designer.  He is best known for his Google #1 ranked Londons Times Offbeat Cartoons & Funny Gifts.  He also has the condition of autism/Asperger’s and is an adult child of NPD parents. 

1 Million Americans Have TRD But Think They Have Depression Due To A Misdiagnosis by Rick London

Sadly, I still have numerous friends who have dealt with depression and/or other mood disorders and for many years have received treatment to no avail.

Most, by now have read about TRD (Treatment Resistant Depression) and VNS (Vagus Nerve Stimulator). The name itself is a bit of a misnomer, in that it is not depression at all, but creates the same symptoms.  It is a vagus nerve disorder and is a much “closer cousin” to epilepsy (though there are no seizures with TRD); the vagus nerve simply freezes to a certain degree.

It is an estimated 18 million Americans have depression and of that 18 million, app 1 million have TRD) but they are being treated for depression or some other mental illness (and there is no improvement).

I was one of those patients for a number of years (being treated for “garden variety depression” and tried a myriad of treatments, with no real improvement.

Around 1998, I read a magazine article about the clinical trials of VNS which was making a dramatic difference in patients who had tried many other modicums of treatment for a number of years…generally with little or no improvement. The testimonials and initial double-blind studies were showing phenomenal results. Finally I saw hope.  But I would have to be patient.

It was not approved by the FDA for TRD, some seven years later in September 2004. On January 25, 2005, I was one of the few hundred in the U.S. (and one of three in Arkansas) approved for the treatment and had the 45 minute procedure at UALR Medical Center (an implant/pacemaker placed right below the skin in my chest) which, inevitably saved my life).

The battle was still waging between the Giant Pharmaceuticals along with the American Psychiatric Association to try to put a halt to Cyberonics.com’s invention.  They were not able to shut it down, but they made it virtually impossible to receive.

Most psychiatrists do not like losing patients.  If you are eligible for VNS, contact a caseworker at Cyberonics.com in Houston.  They will work to make certain you get an implant.  Chances are very slim you have depression if you’ve been treated with all that is available for the disease.  It is usually inherited.  Did one of your parents take antidepressants (and see little or no improvement over the years)?  It is not always inherited; you may have just noticed it in your own (or a friend’s life).

I just learned today of an insurance company  who is once again covering this expensive (app $40,000 procedure).  I know nothing of this firm; own no stock, and just found this article.  So I am guessing some other insurance companies are now also covering it again (which means the APA and giant pharma are losing ground in the battle).   After the procedure, and the grogginess wore off, something interesting happened.  I didn’t have “depression”, because I never did.  The surgery is performed by an ear, nose, throat surgeon, and is painless, even after awakening.

Many, though still have to continue to take antidepressants. I was one of the lucky ones who did not. The device itself does the trick.  I’ve not experienced “depression” since that time.

If, after many different treatments, you feel it might not be depression after all, talk to your therapist or psychiatrist.  Let them know about VNS.  If they say absolutely that cannot be what it is, I HIGHLY encourage you to contact Cyberonics.com.  A good therapist who cares about your health wants you to try every modicum of treatment to get well.  A bad one, simply wants to keep you to pay his/her home mortgage.

More information on VNS is available at Cyberonics.  After the procedure, you will still be working quarterly with a psychiatrist, simply not the same one you previously had (usually) as only a handful in each state are trained to “tune up” the device. It’s done with a “computer wand” and there is no pain.

This treatment is not for everyone. Many really do have depression. I encourage you to study Vagus Nerve Stimulation on the Internet.  Every major hospital has scholarly studies from Mayo Clinic to Johns Hopkins.  

I write about this about once a year to help those who might have tried everything else, and feels “life will just have to be this way forever”; when nothing could be further from the truth.  If you have any questions, feel free to contact me via Twitter @RickLondon or on facebook http://facebook.com/RickLondon1

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Rick London is an author, cartoonist, and designer.  He founded Londons Times Offbeat Cartoons & funny gifts which have been Google #1 ranked since 2005.  His two cartoon compilation books on Amazon Kindle are also #1 ranked. He is a product/gift designer as well.  He is married to popular nature photographer Lee Hiller-London and together they live and hike in the beautiful Ouachita Mountains of Arkansas. They are active in childrens, animal, nature and green causes.  Both are happy vegans.