Tho my cell was ringin’ I was headed for the shower,
Decided not to answer it, a telemarketing creep.
I walked to the bathroom and stared at total darkness,
I opened the generic WalMart soap I’d bought that smelled so sweet.
I’d been in line at Walmart..so of course I’s still pissed,
Then stopped at McDonald’s ..they supersized my fries,
I returned my Coca Cola..because it didn’t have no fizz,
I checked around the establishment for any visible mice.
So I took a drink of Coca Cola and then had one more sip,
I looked to the sky and there’s no more sun,
So decided to head toward my shower, and call it a night.
We all know buying generic soap is dumb,
Makes some folks stay but most of ‘em run.
They say it has the same makeup of Dove, but that is just a fable,
And when you leave that shower, someone’s gonna grab their gun.
Anyone who showers knows it so enlivenin’
Better than a hot bubble bath that might make you go to sleep.
Whether you’re into abstinence or even if you’re a boozer
If you use Walmart’s generic soap, you’re gonna truly stink.
You’ll smell a bit like oven cleaner mixed with stale cookie dough
Makes you want to say some words that on tv would be bleeped
And so your girlfriend leaves you, and you’re on the floor grievin’,
You could have smelled so sexy, if you hadn’t been so cheap.
You gotta know how to shower, and smell like a flower,
Use a washrag on your chest & face and loofa on your buns
If you use that generic soap you won’t be attractin’ no Betty Grable,
You’re gonna smell like fresh dog doo I promise you my son.
If you want your friends in hysterics then buy those cheap generics
But don’t expect the girls to say “Let’s go have some fun”
You could pile all Bill Gates’ money right up on your table,
And no matter who your goin’ with, that relationship is done.
So if you see generic soap and decide to buy it on a whim,
Understand those close to you are gonna have to run,
So spend seventy five cents more… that is if you’re able
So nobody’ll smell your bad intentions.
Rick London is a goofy vegan mountain man who enjoys hiking, writing, cartooning, songwriting, designing and other stuff “that don’t hurt nobody”. He founded Londons Times Offbeat Cartoons & Funny Gifts which have been # 1 ranked on the Internet since 2005. His licensed collection of funny gifts is over 1/4 million. A percentage of all his sales benefits animal, children and environmental causes. He is married to popular nature photographer and designer Lee Hiller-London who operates the blog Hike our Planet