“Old” To The Tune Of Madonna’s “Vogue” A Song Parody by Rick London

Old by Rick London c2012 Parody To The Tune of Madonna’s “Vogue”

 

(Short note…I’m getting old too; in fact older than Madonna…..I salute her for giving it her best shot) It is interesting

how all of us are slowing down, and yes, I’m a senior now too).

 

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Mighty Old,
Getting’ Old,
So old, old,
Oy vey, old

Just took 2 Plavix for my heartache,
My legs are moving so slow (Butt’s dragging ground)
I see cellulite where I was in shape,
Never learned my lesson public appearances “just say no”.

When I dance I pull a joint in my knee,
Maybe some L-glutamine pills on Ebay,
Should never have pigged out on that Superbowl tray,
Still on my butt on the dance floor, sore.

[Chorus:]

Getting so, Old,
Nausea’s setting in & I’m sick,
Ben Gay, Hey
Come on old.
Menopause no more menstrual flow,
Maybe I’d sound better remixed.

Got my Ensure…my favorite one,

Seemed like yesterday I had the energy of Thor,
And Kaballah for my inspiration,
Now I can’t get up off the floor.

And cone shaped bra so sprite,
With tassels I’d twirl and twirl
For awhile I was even some guy’s wife,
But my new name was Esther and he couldn’t remember it.

[chorus, substituting “groove” for “move”]

Oh I was beautiful and so fit,
Maybe I’ll try Nutrisystems to get re-fit.
Or call Britney Spears my pal,
The only virgin I know is wool,
Oh I want to be young and tall,
And not what I am or….

[chorus]

Old, old.
My CD’s on ITunes U can find it,
Old old,
Menopause with no more menstrual flow.

My garbage I recycle ya know,
And I crush the cans real slow,
My new brand is living green,
Not on Newt Gingrich’s moon trampoline.

How do I look in my tight jeans?
Winning with Charlie Sheen,
Getting’ smelly, walked upstairs,
Remember Playboy…I was bare.

Now its time to say “Goodnight Grace-ee”
For what its worth I’m saving face,
All the cracks I do fall through,
I wish you all a fare adieu

Notice I’m no longer nude,
Needed money, needed food,
Getting old is hard on a starlet,
Getting old, there’s a LOT to it.

Old, old.

Prunes will make you body move
So you don’t get sick,
Old, Plastic surgery if you must,
Or collagen to make your lips grow,
Old, I’ve gotten to
Old.

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Rick London is a musician/songwriter and founder of Google’s #1 Ranked offbeat cartoons & funny gifts, Londons Times Cartoons.  He and his wife nature/wildlife photographer Lee Hiller-London who also creates the popular nature photography blog Hike Our Planet,  live in the Ouichata Mountains of Arkansas and do a lot of mountain hiking.

How Important Is Laughter To Your Health? By Rick London

       How important is laughter to you?  Have you been told that you take life too seriously?  If you knew there had been studies done that the endorphins produced by laughter are identical to those produced by vigorous exercise and most likely prevents cancer, heart disease and a host of other ailments, would you expose yourself to funnier things? Here is a most recent study published in Science Daily & The New England Journal Of Medicine http://bit.ly/LaughterHealth

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     “When I launched Londons Times Cartoons & Gifts in 1997, all I knew was of all the things I’d done for a living (and I’d done quite a few); helping facilitate laughter rated at the top.  I didn’t know exactly why at the time.  Not that many studies had been conducted.  I just knew it was fun.

     As time progressed and my team and I continued to create more cartoons, research was being done that has proven laughter helps protect the immune system. It can change a mood. It can even help prevent or lessen depression.  One must be careful with laughter though.  The type that helps keep us happy and healthy is spontaneous, not forced laughter simply to be laughing.  There are plenty of “self-help gurus who will sell you on the idea that if you simply smile or laugh, even if it is fake, that you’re on your way to “Happy Days Utopia”.  Not so.

     So for what do you seek as your remedy?  As with almost anything else, we don’t live in a one size fits all world.   I would love to say anyone could visit my cartoon page and “presto, they’re happy”.   My suggestion though would be to try a variety of medias.  I happen to enjoy “the absurd” so I can look at any old Gary Larson Far Side Cartoon, Airplane Movie, old Steve Martin sketch (or even his most recent tweets on Twitter), or the original SNL and at least one of them is most likely going to do the trick.

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     At the same time, I have friends who can watch Abbott & Costello, Jerry Lewis, Eddie Murphy or “pick your poison”, and it does the same for them.  After experimenting with various forms of humor, you will eventually know which size fits you best, and, according to many studies, be that much healthier for it (I still think LTCartoons is the best though, but that is just me strictly speaking…please, please oh please visit my site!  🙂 

 

 

 

 

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I am a slightly dysfunctional, very uncoordinated, goofy animal-loving mountain man living my dream in the Ouichata Mountains of Arkansas with my nature/photography wife Lee Hiller-London.  I founded Londons Times Cartoons (LTCartoons.com) & gifts in 1997.  They have been Google’s #1 ranked offbeat cartoons & funny gifts on the Internet since 2005 and I’m humbled.  I have ventured into designing non-humorous items at my other gift shops and that is a lot of fun.