Twas The Hike Before Christmas by Rick London

Hot Springs Mountain (Click To Enlarge)

Twas our hike before Chrismas, I was out with my spouse

All the creatures had burrowed, except one lazy mouse,
In hibernation were our miniature bears,
You could’ve opened a jar of honey, they wouldn’t have cared.

Rick London c2011

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On the trails our hiking boots left their tread marks in the dirt of the path,
The squirrels high in their oak trees, which they called their beds,
Where Goat Rock Trail ended there was a deep gap,
If you fall just pray your bunjee chord doesn’t snap.

When out on the trail there was one bloody splatter
Lee turned around to see what was the matter.
Onto the trail there was such a crash,
It was me on the ground, my knee had been smashed.

My left knee looked like the ear of Vincent Van Gogh,
I looked at the cliff several thousand feet below.
It was close to the last place we’d seen some beautiful deer,
Maybe my mojo was gone, I’d quite drinking ginger beer.

Wounded Knee (Click To Enlarge)

Rick London c2011

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I told Lee it was nothing than just a small nick,

But my knee was torn up by a sharp white quartz brick.
Hiking vertically home was my previous aim,

Now if I could only stand up was the name of the game.

Lee had just snapped a thrasher or wren,
My commune with nature had ended its Zen,
From perfect utopia to the pain of the fall,

It was like Forrest Gump hitting “the wall”.

I looked toward the Universe and asked “Why, why, why?”
I had to get home to make my vegan stir fry.
To pull the skin on my knee back together I’d need Super Glue
But Lee assured me Hydrogen Peroxide “would work for you, fool”.

Rick London c2011

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I pulled up my pants to my knees, Lee snapped a shot of this goof,
I told her I was fine. I can be so aloof.
I spoke of natural healing, I can be so profound,
Told her “I’d be fine” while she was thinking “MAN DOWN”.

Now that my tendons and ligaments have all gone kaput,
It started with my ankle and traveled to my foot.
All I could think was “Where’s my ice pack?”
But I wouldn’t find it until I got back.

I weigh a bit much for Lee to have carried,

We both have GPS cell phones…could have called St. Joe’s,

But that’s a big hospital and continues to grow.

Rick London c2011

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I was far from deceased & my living will states who’s bequeathed.
But like I said earlier it was just torn skin on my knee.
I looked down the mountain and felt kind of silly.
The terrain was quite steep, more than just hilly.

I looked up at Lee and thought to myself,
I could fall again, I’m taller than an elf,
With 1/2 a spirulina bar I had to be fed,

I’d be so embarrassed found on North Mountain of a Wounded Knee dead,
Have tumbled so often I feel like a jerk,

I’m now 58,  no longer a young turk.

As I complete these words I attempt to compose
I hope that when finished interpreted as prose.

I looked in the sky not a bird or it’s whistle,
Just a few jet chemtrails resembling a missile.
A few miles later I saw such a sight,

Soon home and bathroom, hydrogen peroxide wins the fight.

Rick London c2011

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I’m a goofy (uncoordinated) vegan mountain man who enjoys nature and hiking with my wife,nature photographer Lee Hiller=London.  I love animals, kids, nature and such. I founded Londons TimesOffbeat Cartoons and Funny Gifts in 1997 which has been Google’s #1 on the Internet and now Bing as well.  I like to design shoes, gifts and clothing in such stores as my Rick London Designs (and I have a few others) and I also founded the 1st (and still only) offbeat cartoon shop that is dedicated to all 100% organic cotton tees (using soy non-toxic dyes) called Rick London Organics.


Some Wednesday 12/15/2011 Londons Times Offbeat Cartoons For You!

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Londons Times, founded in 1997 by Rick London has been Google & Bing’s #1 ranked offbeat cartoons and funny gifts since 2005.  Enjoy!